Carin Rockind

PurposeGirl

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June 25, 2019 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

My Road to Happiness

Hi love,

After last week’s Women’s Happiness Summit, one thing is clear – we’re ready for more. We’re ready to own our joy and radiate so brightly that others shine.

We’re ready to change the world one woman at a time.

I remember my own cry for more. I stood in the shower crying as the hot water mixed with burning tears. “Is this it?” I wailed to myself. “Is this all there is?”

I was 25 years old and my husband and I had moved into our big suburban house the year beforehand. Day after day I went to my “perfect” job that I liked but didn’t love, came home to my “pretty” house that was where he wanted to live rather than where I had wanted, and made dinner for us while my husband watched TV.

It wasn’t bad, per se, and I’m so grateful for all I had, but I wanted “more”.

Of course I felt ashamed and guilty for wanting it. There were starving children and I wanted more?! I hated myself. Maybe you can relate?

Of course I look back now and I know that it’s not that I wanted more money or more house.

I wanted more Life.
I wanted more Aliveness!
I wanted more soul and spirit and PURPOSE!

But I had no idea who I was anymore, let alone where to begin looking for purpose.

So I started paying attention to little desires and saying YES whenever my heart got excited and maybe a tad nervous. Yes, I would be a youth group advisor! Yes I would be a home cook for a magazine! Yes I would go to Russia with a Jewish group! Yes I would contact the local newspaper and pitch my dating column idea!

They didn’t all work out – the newspaper rejected me, eventually the magazine ended the cooking program even though I had big visions of them loving me so much that they hired me on. But each time I followed my JOY, I lit up and more opportunities came. An online divorced women’s group asked me to be their leader. A first date introduced me to an agent. A non-profit organization asked me to be on their board, and then a board member offered me a better paying job!

That’s because a woman’s purpose is to be happy.
Our purpose is to be radiant!
Love OUR strengths, pursue OUR passions, share OUR wisdom!
To be so lit up that we light up the world around us.

We are the electricity the world needs now.

Unfortunately, once I got to the higher paying job, I forgot to stay in my radiance. I went back to looking for purpose and happiness in my job title, in men, in relationships, in status.

And then I became severely depressed and needed a way out. When a friend suggested a coach, my life started to shift. He helped me find the thread of purpose in all of my joy. He helped me remember long forgotten dreams. He awakened my true purpose. And then he motivated me to move forward. He empowered me to take action because he said what I had to offer was needed now. 

Your purpose is needed now too. Make no mistake – the world is starving for women’s light. Without it, our culture has become hard, brittle, abusive, competitive, and toxic.

Women’s wisdom is needed now.
Women’s art is needed now.
Women’s love is needed now.

The thing is that it’s hard to find your Happy when lost in everyone else’s expectations and needs.
It’s hard to stay radiant when people want to dim your light every time you mention an “out there” Dream.
It’s challenging to light up when you get shitty news, when you fail, when someone you love is sick, when you can’t control the shit storm. It’s down near impossible to stay lit up when fear tries to hover in every corner and take you down into small darkness.

Last week, as 3300 women joined the Women’s Happiness Summit, fear swept in. I had to stay lit up even when afraid to fall on my face and fail.

When I hired that coach, deep down I could feel my dreams bubbling, begging to be set free. I day dreamed about traveling the world FREE. I thought of taking painting and cooking but thought that seemed like a waste of time. Obsessed with Oprah and Tony Robbins, I envisioned standing on stages lifting others up. Ideas for books and columns and speeches and programs would come to me but I pooh-pooh'ed them as impractical, unrealistic, and weird.

And then I was robbed at gun point.
Laying on the ground, my hands covering my head as I screamed “Please don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me!!” I vowed that if I lived, I would pursue my purpose. No matter what.
I vowed to live in my radiance and joy. To:

Be true to ME.
Follow MY dreams.
Pursue my JOY.
Say YES to my desires.
No matter how silly or unimportant they seem.

At that point the man took my bag and ran, and I began to live up to that vow. I went to grad school for positive psychology, met my husband, moved to NY, secured myself a spot on a national radio show, started coaching and leading retreats, and so much more. It’s not perfect and I'm not exempt from the shit storms, but the tools of positive psychology, the tools of the divine feminine, the science of women’s Happiness keeps me thriving. And that’s what I want for YOU!

Your purpose is needed now.
Your light is needed now.
Your “More” is needed now.
And I can’t wait to discover it with you.

A few inquiries to journal about:

What does purpose mean to me?
When have I been lit up and alive?
If I were fully ALIVE, how would that impact my life?
What one small step can I take today?


Here’s to us changing the world, one woman at a time.

In profound gratitude to you,

xo,

Carin

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Happiness

May 11, 2019 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Is Happiness a Choice?

On a scale of  -10 to +10, how satisfied are you with your life? 
Now ask yourself, what would help you move up one or two points right now? 
Not when you can afford a vacation… not when your partner apologizes… but right here in this moment?  

Last week, I spoke to 150 leaders at Progressive Insurance and we talked about the moment by moment, day by day, year by year choices we can make to be our happiest selves. The research is clear: Our happiness is in our control.

I know how hard this is to internalize. Just this week, we got challenging news with our fertility journey. After 2 miscarriages, 4 years, and countless heartbreaks, we thought that we are finally on the path to baby. And we are, but “life” happens and we need some testing that may delay us. 

A small part of my brain panicked: “What if…?” Then I felt sorry for myself: “Why me…?” “Haven't I suffered enough?” But within a few minutes, I realized that those questions weren't helpful. They were just making me spin and feel like a miserable victim. But my happiness, my well-being, is my choice. So I took a deep breath, gave myself a LOT of self-compassion, and then I asked new questions, “How can we move forward?” “What is possible?” “What can I do in this moment to be ok?” Taking action made me feel better. 

Happiness is a choice.

It wasn't my choice to have miscarriages and it's not my choice to have complications, but it is my choice how I think about it. 

Positive psychology tells us that we have control over what we think, where we focus our attention, how we feel, and what we do. Positive psychology isn't about being “happy dappy yellow smiley face all the time” – it's about living the most meaningful, fulfilling, alive life possible. In cases of challenge and trauma (which we will all have), it's about struggling in a healthy way. Get out your anger, feel your grief, allow yourself your pain. AND, don't get stuck in it. 

My grandparents taught me that we are the Creators of our lives, not Victims to it. They were Holocaust survivors who never complained about what they had experienced. Rather, they focused on their family, giving back to their community, and doing work in public service – mental health for my grandfather, and education for my grandmother. They were the people who brought soup to someone who was sick. They lived on purpose. They chose happiness.

In today's world, we have a million distractions vying for our attention and too many of them are negative – the news screams blame and hate, co-workers complain, and kids resist chores and homework. Sometimes, we just want to run away. 

But our opportunity is to realize that we have a choice about what we do about it all. 

We also have a choice about how we spend our time. 

At Progressive last week, I asked this question: “If there were a gun pointed at your head, what would you regret never having done?” The room fell silent. 

Would you regret not spending time with people you love? Would you regret not starting that non-profit you've been thinking about? Or that you never visited your family's roots in Poland? It's your choice how you spend your time.

The last two episodes of The PurposeGirl Podcast address these issue. This week, I interview my dear friend, colleague, soul sister and author of 12 best-selling books, Valorie Burton, about her latest book, It's About Time. After realizing that she constantly felt too “busy,” she and her husband took a step back and evaluated their time and their lives. They realized they spent a lot of precious time and energy on the “URGENT” instead of the “Meaningful.” If you find yourself constantly too busy, overwhelmed, swamped or without time for you and what you love, you'll want to listen to this episode! Click here.

The previous episode is all about how to choose happiness, including some of the neuroscience to help you understand your brain, why you make the choices you do, and how to change those choices. Click here.

The good news is that happiness (and struggling in a healthy way) are in our control. And research shows that you can make a million small (or big) choices every day to get there. From whether you order the fries at lunch to how long you stew on your mother-in-law's critical comment, to finally taking one teeny tiny small step to fulfilling your dream of singing on stage, it's all your choice. 

So here are 3 inquiries for you to make Happiness your choice. 
1. Where do you spend your time and energy currently? (Be honest)
2. What is most meaningful to you? What do you want to make sure you do, feel and have by the time you die?
3. What's one small step to move yourself up on the “Happiness Temperature” above?

Choose Happy! Be Purposeful!

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Happiness

February 15, 2019 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

LOVE – Get the Love You Want

I love love. How about you?

Loving love may mean that you love Valentines Day or you hate it. When I divorced my first husband, I remember dreading it so much. I wanted a companion, a partner, a best friend to bring me flowers and hold my hand. And then I was so frustrated with myself for wanting it because I identified as an “independent woman” who “shouldn't need” love. 

The fact is that needing love is human. Psychology research shows that our early ancestors needed to be loved to survive. They needed to belong so that their tribe protected them, so our brains are wired to need it today.

The question is how to get it. So here are 3 pathways for more love:
1. Self-Love: Self-love is giving yourself the love that you give to others. If you want a partner to adore you, then what would self-adoration look like? If you want a partner to respect you, how can you further respect yourself right now? How do you pleasure yourself? What do you say to yourself in the mirror? Do you have “primers” or affirmations around the house to remind you that your body is beautiful and your dreams are sacred? If you struggle with self-love, I've written a Self-Love Guide and Workbook that will teach you how to flip negative self-talk into positivity, show you what's wonderful about you, and give you immediate tools to have more self-love NOW! Click here for the self-love guide.

In fact, I've found it necessary for my mental well-being to have “primers” of self-love all around me. That's why we created self-love products for you like the “YOU ARE PERFECT AS IS” mug, the “I CHOOSE” necklace, “My Dreams are Sacred” art prints and more, so head over to the shop right now if you want to double down on self-love for you, or give it to a friend! Click here to go to the Happy Woman Shop!


2. Sisterhood: Every woman needs a tribe of loving, cheerleading, supportive women around her. This past weekend, I kicked off my EMPOWERED group coaching program in Miami and these incredible women mirrored each other's strengths and gifts. When one woman, who is in the middle of chemotherapy therapy treatments finished the retreat, she said “The love, the healing, the acceptance, and the support that I experienced was beyond anything I could have imagined. It was medicine for my soul.” When I had my miscarriage, I leaned on my Sisterhoods to nurse me back to health. When I wanted to expand my impact on the world, I leaned into a Sisterhood of other women entrepreneurs. Hundreds of years ago, men were at war or hunting for food, so women cared for the villages together. Therefore, needing connection with other women is in our bones and cells. We were never meant to do life alone. So if you crave a tribe of incredible women, know that you can join our PurposeGirls: The Women's Happiness Network Facebook group and we will love all over you. It's a safe place to receive connection and tons of support! Click here to join!


3. Romance:  Whether you're in a romantic relationship or not, chances are you crave a bit more. Maybe you want more intimacy with your partner or you want your lover to write you more love letters. Josh and I show love differently so we're always revisiting how the other wants and needs to be loved. Given that I'm not an expert in romance, I've brought in one of my favorite Love Experts on this week's episode of The PurposeGirl Podcast. Marni Battista is a dating coach and romance expert who has taught me how to be open to receiving more love. I found her before I was married to Josh and loved the refresher course I got when interviewing her! This interview is for every woman wanting love and wanting to get it with dignity! Click here to listen!


Of course, there are more pathways to love – furry friends, kids' raspberry smooches, and time with Mother Nature, but I hope these 3 pathways above give you an ignited boost today. 

You deserve all the love in the world.

XO,
Carin

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Happiness, Sisterhood

February 4, 2019 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

10 Days of Self Love – Join me?

Want to join me in a free SELF-LOVE Challenge? 10 days to commit to loving you? Then keep reading…

Do you ever call yourself names? Look in the mirror and say mean things? Berate yourself for saying the wrong thing? Beat yourself up for making a mistake?

Me too. I woke up thinking of an email I wish I had written differently. Then my brain started calling me names – until I said “NO – I won’t listen to this!” and I put my hand on my heart and began speaking to myself with kindness.

Self-love is a thing, but we’re never taught how to do it – or why it’s important. Quite the opposite… we’ve been told it’s selfish if we also want to receive. As women, our brains are wired for nurturing others. We love to give but one of the reasons that women are more depressed than men is that we ruminate more on the negative. We worry more. It’s great for taking care of others, but horrible for taking care of ourselves.

You deserve better. You deserve the same love and kindness you give to your best friend, your kids, your mail carrier! Inside of you is a sweet, tender soul that is so good, so beautiful, and so worthy of genuine love. You’ve overcome so much, you’ve been so brave to keep going every day. You are brilliant and unique and here for purpose – not despite your “imperfections” – but because you’re perfect with them.

International Day of Self-Love is February 13 so I’m kicking off 10 Days of Self-Love TODAY. Want to join? It’s scary and brave and going to be delicious!

Here’s how it will work: Every day for the next 10 days, I’ll post a Self-Love tool, inquiry, or exercise for us all to do on the PurposeGirls Women’s Happiness Network Facebook group, then we uplevel each other. (Click here to join the Free Facebook group!)

Then we’ll end with a “Grand Finale” totally FREE Self-Love Celebration class on Feb 13 that I’m hosting! It’s a class to learn 3 proven keys to self-love, purpose and joy.

Click here to register for the free class. Even if you can’t make the live class, register for access to the recording!

You are the only you!! And the world needs YOUR creativity, YOUR strengths, YOUR talents. We’re going to go beyond the mani-pedi and into self-trust, self-compassion, and self-celebration.

Join me on Instagram and in the Facebook group, and join the Self-Love Celebrationclass!

Plus, PLEASE share this link with 3 women who would need self-love and would benefit from self-celebration! February 13 is also Gal-entine’s Day, the day to celebrate our Girlfriends, so share this link so we build up a big ol’ sisterhood of self-loving Goddesses!

Together, we’re changing the world, one woman at a time.

I CAN’T WAIT TO CELEBRATE YOU AND SELF-LOVE TOGETHER!!

XOXOX

Carin

PS: Join my private Facebook Group to be a part of the Self Love Challenge!

Filed Under: Empowerment, Happiness Tagged With: Happiness, Intention, Self-Criticism, Sisterhood

December 4, 2018 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Pleasure and Pushing Beyond Comfort Zones {with 2000 women this weekend!}

When is the last time you went out of your comfort zone? Really out? You stretched yourself to such uncomfortable places that you were terrified, yet deep down… you knew that you had to go there?

This weekend, I went there. I was with 2000 women and my mentor, Regena Thomashauer, at a conference about owning our sexuality and living BIG, and though I consider myself fierce in my pursuing my dreams, I realized this weekend how much I still have repressed out of fear:

*Fantasies I've thought were wrong or bad.
*Amazing business ideas that seem “arrogant” and “too much.”
*Dreams to do bigger, bolder work that I have held back out of fear.

Notice how all of these are things that excite me – that would bring me PLEASURE. 

What about you? Where have you held yourself back out of fear? 

Last week, one of my coaching clients shared that she used to stand in front of the mirror as a little girl and shake her hips, but she was told that was bad, so she became afraid to express herself. Then we talked about shopping for sexy lingerie and she lit up, feeling both excited and a bit nervous! Another client told me that she wanted to become a singer, but was told that was “unrealistic” so she became robotic and practical. Talking with her about joining a choir thrilled and terrified her in the best way!

Fear holds us back from excitement, from pleasure, from joy because somewhere along the way, we learned that as women, what gives us pleasure is wrong. 
Fear makes us think we'll be rejected if we try something new.
Fear makes us think that if we change, we'll fail and feel stupid.
Fear makes us think that if we succeed, others will tell us we're arrogant.

So we've played it “safe.” But how safe is it if we feel sad, stoic, resentful, blah, or depressed? 

Each time you suppress a desire, you depress yourself. You feel smaller and smaller and then non-existent. “Depress”ion is neglecting yourself.

“The Fear Brain” is necessary for survival… if you're going to be hit by oncoming traffic, you need it and want it. But when it comes to dreams, fear only holds us back. If fear is getting in the way of pleasure, of joy, of happiness… then you know that it is misplaced. 

When I left my six-figure salary to go back to graduate school for positive psychology, my dad (lovingly) said it was the stupidest decision he'd ever heard. I was terrified that he was right, but I had to pursue it because the idea of empowering others was so exciting to me. It turns out that going to the edge of that comfort zone was the best decision I'd ever made. I just felt that scary edge again when I launched the Happy Woman Shop, but I did it because I believe in it and every day, I look at it with admiration, excitement and joy – even though it's not as successful as Amazon – yet 😉 .

Regena has taught me that pleasure is the center of a woman's power. We were born for happiness. And when you push your comfort zone and fulfill a desire, you expand, you feel more whole, you feel alive! At the edge of your comfort zone is freedom! 


So, what are your desires? What gives you that dis-comfort and fear that's mixed with juicy excitement and “OHMYGODDESS that might be possible” nerves?

Let 2019 be the year that you do that.
We will do it together.

Can you imagine a world where you felt empowered to live your desires?Where you took the pole dancing class or booked the trip to Italy or started the Etsy shop just because it lit you up and made you excited?? Can you imagine how giddy you'd be living in that fun, excited, nervous joy? Can you imagine how THAT world would inspire children to follow their dreams?

That's the world I want to live in: A world of Happy Women.

So my commitment to you is to take seriously each of the desires that came to me this weekend and pursue them all, even if they are scary. One step at a time. And I hope you do the same.

You were not born to live small. You're too brilliant and beautiful and creative and powerful for that. We were born to live our GREATNESS fully. And though it might be uncomfortable, why are we alive if not to LIVE?

With so much love!
To your happiness,
Carin

PS – Have you visited our new Happy Woman Shop? It's filled with gifts for you and your loved ones to awaken, get more self-love and live a happier life! Click here for the cutest, most empowering mugs, t-shirts, and our signature “I CHOOSE” necklace!

PPS – We are growing the Women's Global Happiness Network on our free PurposeGirls Facebook group. We're posting weekly motivation, I'll be doing FB lives there soon, and more! Click here to join!

PPPS – For my leading podcast about the science of women's happiness, click here.


The newest episode of The PurposeGirl Podcast is the fifth in a six-part series in which I take you through six different pathways to happiness and human flourishing, and with each one I provide you with tools that you can use. In this episode I teach you all about Achievement. If you missed it you can check it out here.

Filed Under: Empowerment, Happiness Tagged With: Happiness, Sexuality, Sisterhood

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