Hi love,

After last week’s Women’s Happiness Summit, one thing is clear – we’re ready for more. We’re ready to own our joy and radiate so brightly that others shine.

We’re ready to change the world one woman at a time.

I remember my own cry for more. I stood in the shower crying as the hot water mixed with burning tears. “Is this it?” I wailed to myself. “Is this all there is?”

I was 25 years old and my husband and I had moved into our big suburban house the year beforehand. Day after day I went to my “perfect” job that I liked but didn’t love, came home to my “pretty” house that was where he wanted to live rather than where I had wanted, and made dinner for us while my husband watched TV.

It wasn’t bad, per se, and I’m so grateful for all I had, but I wanted “more”.

Of course I felt ashamed and guilty for wanting it. There were starving children and I wanted more?! I hated myself. Maybe you can relate?

Of course I look back now and I know that it’s not that I wanted more money or more house.

I wanted more Life.
I wanted more Aliveness!
I wanted more soul and spirit and PURPOSE!

But I had no idea who I was anymore, let alone where to begin looking for purpose.

So I started paying attention to little desires and saying YES whenever my heart got excited and maybe a tad nervous. Yes, I would be a youth group advisor! Yes I would be a home cook for a magazine! Yes I would go to Russia with a Jewish group! Yes I would contact the local newspaper and pitch my dating column idea!

They didn’t all work out – the newspaper rejected me, eventually the magazine ended the cooking program even though I had big visions of them loving me so much that they hired me on. But each time I followed my JOY, I lit up and more opportunities came. An online divorced women’s group asked me to be their leader. A first date introduced me to an agent. A non-profit organization asked me to be on their board, and then a board member offered me a better paying job!

That’s because a woman’s purpose is to be happy.
Our purpose is to be radiant!
Love OUR strengths, pursue OUR passions, share OUR wisdom!
To be so lit up that we light up the world around us.

We are the electricity the world needs now.

Unfortunately, once I got to the higher paying job, I forgot to stay in my radiance. I went back to looking for purpose and happiness in my job title, in men, in relationships, in status.

And then I became severely depressed and needed a way out. When a friend suggested a coach, my life started to shift. He helped me find the thread of purpose in all of my joy. He helped me remember long forgotten dreams. He awakened my true purpose. And then he motivated me to move forward. He empowered me to take action because he said what I had to offer was needed now. 

Your purpose is needed now too. Make no mistake – the world is starving for women’s light. Without it, our culture has become hard, brittle, abusive, competitive, and toxic.

Women’s wisdom is needed now.
Women’s art is needed now.
Women’s love is needed now.

The thing is that it’s hard to find your Happy when lost in everyone else’s expectations and needs.
It’s hard to stay radiant when people want to dim your light every time you mention an “out there” Dream.
It’s challenging to light up when you get shitty news, when you fail, when someone you love is sick, when you can’t control the shit storm. It’s down near impossible to stay lit up when fear tries to hover in every corner and take you down into small darkness.

Last week, as 3300 women joined the Women’s Happiness Summit, fear swept in. I had to stay lit up even when afraid to fall on my face and fail.

When I hired that coach, deep down I could feel my dreams bubbling, begging to be set free. I day dreamed about traveling the world FREE. I thought of taking painting and cooking but thought that seemed like a waste of time. Obsessed with Oprah and Tony Robbins, I envisioned standing on stages lifting others up. Ideas for books and columns and speeches and programs would come to me but I pooh-pooh'ed them as impractical, unrealistic, and weird.

And then I was robbed at gun point.
Laying on the ground, my hands covering my head as I screamed “Please don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me!!” I vowed that if I lived, I would pursue my purpose. No matter what.
I vowed to live in my radiance and joy. To:

Be true to ME.
Follow MY dreams.
Pursue my JOY.
Say YES to my desires.
No matter how silly or unimportant they seem.

At that point the man took my bag and ran, and I began to live up to that vow. I went to grad school for positive psychology, met my husband, moved to NY, secured myself a spot on a national radio show, started coaching and leading retreats, and so much more. It’s not perfect and I'm not exempt from the shit storms, but the tools of positive psychology, the tools of the divine feminine, the science of women’s Happiness keeps me thriving. And that’s what I want for YOU!

Your purpose is needed now.
Your light is needed now.
Your “More” is needed now.
And I can’t wait to discover it with you.

A few inquiries to journal about:

What does purpose mean to me?
When have I been lit up and alive?
If I were fully ALIVE, how would that impact my life?
What one small step can I take today?

Here’s to us changing the world, one woman at a time.

In profound gratitude to you,

xo,

Carin

On a scale of  -10 to +10, how satisfied are you with your life? 
Now ask yourself, what would help you move up one or two points right now? 
Not when you can afford a vacation… not when your partner apologizes… but right here in this moment?  

Last week, I spoke to 150 leaders at Progressive Insurance and we talked about the moment by moment, day by day, year by year choices we can make to be our happiest selves. The research is clear: Our happiness is in our control.

I know how hard this is to internalize. Just this week, we got challenging news with our fertility journey. After 2 miscarriages, 4 years, and countless heartbreaks, we thought that we are finally on the path to baby. And we are, but “life” happens and we need some testing that may delay us. 

A small part of my brain panicked: “What if…?” Then I felt sorry for myself: “Why me…?” “Haven't I suffered enough?” But within a few minutes, I realized that those questions weren't helpful. They were just making me spin and feel like a miserable victim. But my happiness, my well-being, is my choice. So I took a deep breath, gave myself a LOT of self-compassion, and then I asked new questions, “How can we move forward?” “What is possible?” “What can I do in this moment to be ok?” Taking action made me feel better. 

Happiness is a choice.

It wasn't my choice to have miscarriages and it's not my choice to have complications, but it is my choice how I think about it. 

Positive psychology tells us that we have control over what we think, where we focus our attention, how we feel, and what we do. Positive psychology isn't about being “happy dappy yellow smiley face all the time” – it's about living the most meaningful, fulfilling, alive life possible. In cases of challenge and trauma (which we will all have), it's about struggling in a healthy way. Get out your anger, feel your grief, allow yourself your pain. AND, don't get stuck in it. 

My grandparents taught me that we are the Creators of our lives, not Victims to it. They were Holocaust survivors who never complained about what they had experienced. Rather, they focused on their family, giving back to their community, and doing work in public service – mental health for my grandfather, and education for my grandmother. They were the people who brought soup to someone who was sick. They lived on purpose. They chose happiness.

In today's world, we have a million distractions vying for our attention and too many of them are negative – the news screams blame and hate, co-workers complain, and kids resist chores and homework. Sometimes, we just want to run away. 

But our opportunity is to realize that we have a choice about what we do about it all. 

We also have a choice about how we spend our time. 

At Progressive last week, I asked this question: “If there were a gun pointed at your head, what would you regret never having done?” The room fell silent. 

Would you regret not spending time with people you love? Would you regret not starting that non-profit you've been thinking about? Or that you never visited your family's roots in Poland? It's your choice how you spend your time.

The last two episodes of The PurposeGirl Podcast address these issue. This week, I interview my dear friend, colleague, soul sister and author of 12 best-selling books, Valorie Burton, about her latest book, It's About Time. After realizing that she constantly felt too “busy,” she and her husband took a step back and evaluated their time and their lives. They realized they spent a lot of precious time and energy on the “URGENT” instead of the “Meaningful.” If you find yourself constantly too busy, overwhelmed, swamped or without time for you and what you love, you'll want to listen to this episode! Click here.

The previous episode is all about how to choose happiness, including some of the neuroscience to help you understand your brain, why you make the choices you do, and how to change those choices. Click here.

The good news is that happiness (and struggling in a healthy way) are in our control. And research shows that you can make a million small (or big) choices every day to get there. From whether you order the fries at lunch to how long you stew on your mother-in-law's critical comment, to finally taking one teeny tiny small step to fulfilling your dream of singing on stage, it's all your choice. 

So here are 3 inquiries for you to make Happiness your choice. 
1. Where do you spend your time and energy currently? (Be honest)
2. What is most meaningful to you? What do you want to make sure you do, feel and have by the time you die?
3. What's one small step to move yourself up on the “Happiness Temperature” above?

Choose Happy! Be Purposeful!