Pain and Loss Archives - Page 2 of 2

September 11, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Starting Over

Hi friend,

You can start over again.
You can decide that today is a new day.
You can choose what you do and how, no matter what's going on in life.
You can love yourself and your life right now by APPRECIATING WHAT IS.

That's the message that came through loud and clear on my birthday last week. Two days beforehand, I was rushed to the ER, thinking I was having a heart attack. Fortunately, all checked out and I'm super healthy, but it was definitely a wake-up call for me.

It made me ask:

How do I want to live?
What matters most?
What is all this for?

This isn't the first time I've asked these questions, and it probably won't be the last. We go through spirals in life – ups and downs and curves – and we often have to get off track in order to begin again more strongly.

Every moment – even the challenges – is for purpose.

Often, the challenges show us how strong we are, how resourceful, resilient and capable we are. Often, challenges make us appreciate what we have even more.

I've been watching the hurricanes and praying for the survivors, sending money and packages, wondering how people will rebuild everything. And then this weekend I met a family who escaped Miami with nothing but their passports, their wedding photo, and a whole lot of gratitude that they were alive, together, and able to afford to get away. They knew they could start again.

And here we are on 9/11, an anniversary that reminds us of how resilient we are, and shows us that we can not only start over, but that the challenge can empower us to rebuild higher and become stronger.

I was teaching this concept in a workshop at PBS headquarters last week, and we all realized that we have done this in our lives and can do so again. You can do this, too. You can look at any challenge you're having as a catalyst for growth. From going off of your diet, to overwhelm with kids going back to school, to a parent's illness, to abandoning your dream of being a writer, you can start again. You can use it as fuel for growth and let desire consume your mind so that you choose for this to be a moment of purpose.

This is not to minimize the pain or suffering, or to say, “Just get over it.” You must feel all of it, being gentle with yourself and allowing grief. And then you can grow.

Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) is rising to a new level of functioning as the result of adversity. In other words, it's growing not “despite” challenge, but because of it. Researchers Tedeschi and Calhoun found that we all can experience PTG and not just start again, but start better, stronger, and more alive.

So what challenge are you experiencing? How can it help you grow? Here are a few questions to journal about:

What does this experience show me about my strength and courage?
What do I now appreciate as a result of this?
Which relationships can this help me to strengthen?
What wisdom do I wish I had known? (Said another way, what would I now share with a 20 year old to help them manage this?)
What would it look like to choose a new way?

So my love, what do you need to do this afternoon or tomorrow to start again? How will you choose to treat a new day? What will you promise to love about yourself and your life right now, as is? I'd love to hear from you.

With so much love,
Carin

PS – If you're struggling with overcoming a current or past challenge, email me. It's my honor to do a 30-minute call with you and identify what you want and where the blocks are.

If you want to discover who you are and your true purpose… if you're ready to claim your birthright of joy and self-love, if your heart is calling for transformation this fall, then I invite you to email me now. I can't wait to connect with you!

July 25, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Don’t Let Your Dreams Die With You

7 years ago, my friend Ed drowned to death, and I couldn't save him. I dedicate this post to him.

It was a beautiful July morning, just 5 weeks before I was heading off to graduate school for Positive Psychology to finally pursue my dreams. My friend Ed had never been on a boat, and had never been in Lake Erie either. I couldn't wait to take him out.

So a week later, he met me at the dock and we began taking on the free waters. He laughed and shouted with joy. I'd never seen him so happy!

We then anchored and with a huge smile on his face, Ed dove in. I immediately saw that he was struggling, so I turned the boat to be a bit closer to him. He didn't move so I started throwing him a rope screaming, “Ed, get the rope!!! ED, GET THE ROPE!! EDDDDDDDD GET THE ROPE!!!!!

Seconds later, his head fell below the surface of the water, and he never came back up.

After weeks of trauma wanting to give up on school and life, I finally learned that Ed's body had been chock full of cocaine. Apparently, after being rejected from the military two weeks earlier, he turned to heavy drugs to numb the pain. It's like he had a death wish.

Ed's death is a constant reminder of why we must live our purpose WHILE WE'RE ALIVE.

What are you waiting for?

Why aren't you going for it fully? If you're like me, you're scared. Years ago, I sat on my KNOWING that I was here to inspire and support you because I was too afraid of leaving my safe job. I was too afraid of being rejected. I was so afraid of failing. So I stayed stuck. And then the pain of being stuck became so bad that I got sick until eventually the pain of staying stuck became worse than the fear of possibly failing. I knew that if I came to the end of my days without ever trying to live this purpose, I'd regret it forever.

Do you want your dreams to die with you like Ed's did? Why do you have painting talent if not to share your gift with others? Why do you have ideas about politics, if not to help your community? I know it's scary, and I know that your brilliance is not meant to die.

Your purpose is bigger than you. If you have a book idea, then those words are meant to help someone else. What good do those words do sitting in your journal and dying with you in the grave? If you dream of starting an animal shelter, it's because there are puppies in mills who need your help. Do you want to die with them?

This may sound dramatic, but having survived being robbed at gunpoint and having lived through Ed's death, I know too well how short life is.

Do not let your dreams die with you. And if you don't know what your dreams are, and you only know that you feel stuck and lost, then let this be your wake up call to start the process of figuring it out.

Find a mentor, join a mastermind, do a program to get clarity on who you are and what you want.

No matter what you do, take action today. For Ed. Ed's legacy lives on through us following our hearts. Sending so much love to Ed's family.

With so much love,
Carin

PurposeGirls on Fire – Real success stories of people who are going for it!

Brigid had always wanted to be an artist. She just loved painting and had always loved the stroke of a brush. But as a young girl, she kept seeing commercials for “starving artists.” She didn't want to starve, so understandably, she gave up painting. Brigid went on to start a successful printing business with her partner, but twenty years into her business and life as wife and mother, she lost her spark. Life took over and she became depleted. She heard about my offer for a free 30-minute call and within moments of talking, she declared her desire for change. She joined my EMPOWERED program and within our first two weeks of working together, Brigid remembered her first love: being an artist. She came home from the first EMPOWERED retreat so light that everyone at home noticed a change. She started painting at home and began to feel alive. She then started bringing her art talent to her business, and she felt on purpose. Doing graphic design, creating new project ideas, and bravely sharing her talent with clients, for the first time in a long time, Brigid fell in love with life. She knew she needed more space to create, so she asked her partner if they could get rid of the futon in the spare bedroom so that she could set up a studio. Just a few weeks ago, Brigid not only set up her studio, but she also sold her first painting! No “starving artist” for her!! I love this photo of her painting with the woman who bought it, and I love this picture of the FIRST (but not last) check she's received for her painting talent. Join me in CONGRATULATING Brigid on being a kickass woman on purpose. To learn more about her and her graphics arts, painting and printing business, check out Creative Characters here.

July 3, 2017 By Carin Rockind 8 Comments

From Pain To Purpose

Nine years ago today, I was robbed at gun point.

I was walking home from a bad blind date, laughing about it on the phone with my sister, when a scared young man followed me into my condo building. At first I didn't see him, but when I put my key in the front door I felt thick hot breath on the back of my neck. I turned around and was within inches of these big, sad, saucer brown eyes.

“Are you going in?” I asked him. I thought maybe he had a friend who lived there.

He paused and then looked down at my belly. I followed his eyes and saw that he pointed a gun my stomach. I fell to the floor, with my arms over my head, screaming, “Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me!!!”

Thoughts raced through my head, “Tell my parents I've had a good life, thank my grandparents for me.” I remembered my 3rd grade birthday party and envisioned my funeral. I looked up at him and now the gun was pointed at my left temple. I could see down the steel barrel.

At that moment, a strong, calm voice came over me: “Oh no,” she said. “You're here for purpose. People are waiting for you.”
So I made a promise with G-d: “If you let me live, I promise to pursue that purpose.”

At that moment, the man took my purse and he ran.

See, I had known that I wanted to do this Purpose work for years, but I had been too afraid to do it. I was afraid I'd fail, afraid you would all hate me, afraid that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I was afraid I'd never make money and afraid I'd never be published. I was afraid of everything.

So I stayed stuck. Stuck in my job, stuck in my relationships, stuck in my life. And staying stuck made me severely depressed. I called myself horrible nasty names for not following my dreams. I went on heavier and heavier depression drugs and I got shingles at 34.

I was a mess – all out of fear.

But that day, with a gun to my head, I made a decision: I was doing this. I was going to use every talent G-d gave me for purpose. I was going to use my life to make a difference in the world. I was going to become PurposeGirl.
It was all I ever wanted. It still is all I want. When I die, I want millions of women saying, “She impacted my life.”
And I will tell you my friends, this Purpose-thing is not easy. I've had many days of crying and fear. I've been terrified of running out of money. I've compared myself endlessly to coaches who have bigger audiences than me. I've been excited one day, felt like shit the next, and called myself a loser. At various times, I've become obsessed with winning your “likes.”
But as I was working on my book today and realized that TODAY was the day 9 years ago that changed the trajectory of my life FOREVER, I KNEW that I would not change that experience for any amount of money or “likes” in the world.

I'm a survivor. I'm a warrior. I've survived so that I can inspire you to thrive. And I don't take my mission lightly. As of this moment, I'm more serious about it than ever. I want EVERY woman on earth to know and love who she is. I want EVERY human being to realize his true purpose. I want ALL of us to live and love fully with open hearts and giving souls. There is so much more I can do. So much more I want to do.

When this young man was sentenced, I went to court and his attorney handed me a letter that the young man had written to me. He explained how he had grown up without a father, how he had 2 babies and one on the way, how he robbed me because he needed money for diapers. Tears streamed down my face and sobs left my throat. (They are again writing this.) The judge asked if I wanted to say anything. I stood up and faced his sweet sad eyes once more. “It's not fair that I grew up the way I did, and you grew up the way you did,” I said. “And I don't want your kids growing up this way. I want them to go to college.” Tears now streamed down his face.

I meant it. I still mean it. I'm remembering it all today in vivid color and I'm really wanting to make a bigger impact. I want to serve. I want to empower kids in challenged situations too. I don't know how and I don't know where.
And I want to empower EVERY woman to RISE UP. I just know that we are ALL PurposeGirls! We are ALL here for SOMETHING! We can't let raw talent go wasted. You can't let your dreams get lost. If you don't know your purpose, let's figure it out. If you know it but aren't following it, let's get you on your path. Please don't hide behind fear anymore, my friend.
You never know when a gun will be pointed at your head.

Written in complete and utter love. Sending love tonight to C. H., wherever he and his children may be.