Carin Rockind

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November 20, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Do you ruminate? The cure for worrying

Hi friend,

Does your brain ruminate over every little thing? Is it making you miserable? You're not alone.

If your brain is like mine, and everyone I know, you think A LOT. You think about:

  • What you said
  • What you didn’t say
  • What you should have said
  • How rude someone was at work
  • Everything you have to do for the holiday
  • That you’re not thin enough, good enough or smart enough
  • What you want to do with your life and where has 2017 gone
  • Why an idea you have is stupid, irresponsible, and impossible to achieve
  • And on and on and on

Women are twice as likely to be depressed as men and one of the reasons is that we ruminate more.

Of course this probably isn’t news to you, but here’s something you may not know:

Your brain is wired to worry. Think about our ancestors thousands of years ago – the more they worried – Do we have enough food for our family? Are those berries poisonous? Will we be eaten by sabre toothed tigers? – the more they survived.

Similarly, our ancestors were rewarded for negative thinking. Imagining the worst case scenario helped them strategize and survive.

In fact, worrying was so beneficial that our bodies release endorphins when we worry so that worrying actually feels good! It sucks, but it's human.

We don’t have sabre-toothed tigers and we know that all the berries at Whole Foods are safe to eat.

We have old brains in a new world. And left alone, your brain will run itself into fear, guilt, and misery before you even get out of bed. We need to master it to be the empowered, happy, purposeful women we were born to be.

The answer is to be intentional. Your brain needs something to do so you have to control it before it controls you. Here’s how:

  • Get clear on what you WANT: 2018 is around the corner. Rather than waste another year in depression, think about what you do want. How do you want to feel? What do you want to have? Who do you want to be? Spend your time visualizing, planning, and creating what you want and you’ll be happier.
  • Notice the GOOD: We have more positive moments than negative ones, but the negative stands out more. So, be intentional in looking for positive moments and be grateful for them. Pause to savor something beautiful, spend a moment thanking someone in person, write down all that’s good in your life. Research shows that writing down 3 things you’re grateful for every day has a lasting impact on happiness.
  • Do things you LOVE: We all get excited about different things. One of my clients loves gymnastics, but forgot and now in her 40’s she’s tumbling again! Another paints, another loves volunteering with the elderly. Know what makes you happy and make time for it. Then celebrate that you’re doing it.
  • Try thinking about the BEST CASE instead: Notice how when you say “What if…?” you usually think about what if something bad happens, but try thinking about what if something good happens. Or instead of thinking about the worst case, balance it with the best case, then consider what's most likely. Work with your brain!
  • Join a SISTERHOOD: When women get together, you can either gossip, vent, or support each other’s excellence. Women who support, uplift, and celebrate one another are happier and healthier. Be intentional about who you spend time with and how you spend that time and you’ll be happier.

These are just a few ideas. The key is to remember that you have to be intentional with your time, your thoughts, your words, and your actions. It’s not easy. My mind is like yours and gets negative all the time. So I redirect it, flip it, be kind to it, get angry at it, and then practice being intentional again. I practice every day and am here to practice with you.

Here's to us being the empowered, happy, purposeful women we were born to be! Have a beautiful week!

XO,
Carin

PS – If you don’t know what you love doing, what you want for 2018, or what would make you happy because you feel so stuck, email me. I only have a couple of coaching spots left at 2017 prices and I’d love to do a free call with you to help you succeed.

Filed Under: Empowerment, Happiness Tagged With: Intention, Motivation, Sisterhood

October 30, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Do You Have a Purpose?

I just want to feel alive and free. I just want to wake up every day excited. I just want to stop feeling so stuck and lost and unhappy.

Words from a new client last week when I asked her, “One year from today, how do you want to feel about life?”

I totally get this. I too used to daydream about feeling lit up and excited about life. I wanted to do work that filled me, work that made a difference, work that was my purpose, but it was overwhelming and confusing and seemed lofty. Like who the heck was I to think I had a “purpose?” Get over it, Carin. You have a good life – just be happy with it.  

But the feeling of being stuck didn't go away; it only got louder.

Until I got robbed at gunpoint and I had to start taking my heart seriously. I realized then that time isn't a luxury and that life isn't meant to be stuck. So listen to me loud and clear, Joshua:

Every single one of us is born for purpose. Even my client. Even you.

There's a unique way that you can impact the world that I can't because you have different strengths than I have, you have different talents, your life experiences have given you different wisdom, and you have a completely different circle of influence than me.

You are needed.

Your Strengths: No two of us have the same strengths – the natural way that you influence and live in the world.
 Strengths are who you are. You may be creative while your best friend is analytical. However, you have to accept your strengths and stop wishing you were someone else. One of my clients has a great strength in appreciating beauty and had longed to be an artist. However, everyone in her family is a doctor, so she devalued her strength of beauty. She hid it and in doing so, made herself unhappy and off purpose. She didn't have to choose between being a healer and an artist; she had to embrace her strength and bring it to every aspect of her life. The key to living your purpose is to know your strengths and embrace them as uniquely yours.

 

Your Talents: No two of us have the same talents – the honed skills that you use to serve. Talents are what you do. One of my clients was gifted at event planning, but she thought it was “smarter” to learn finance and import/export, so she found herself in a “great” career, but unhappy. You have talents that are your own and you need to embrace them. The challenge is that you may not recognize your talents because they come so naturally to you, or you recognize them but downplay them because you feel like a fraud, or you feel like you can't make money on your talents. Like maybe you're not really a good writer; your college professor was probably just being nice. Nope. You're a great writer and you can become even better with practice. The key to living your purpose is to hone your talents and give them to the world.

Your Passions: No two of us have the same passions – the causes, interests, or populations that get you excited, make you heartbroken, or juice up your motivation. Passions are what lights you up. For me, it's all about young girls and women standing in their power, speaking their voice, rising to the challenge, and living their heart's true purpose. I love seeing a girl boldly stand up for the kid being bullied. I love seeing a young woman rise above abuse to go to college. I love seeing a woman stand up for her heart and go for her dreams – even if they make no sense to her husband, her parents, or “society” at large. What are you passionate about? If it's art, start painting now. If it's theater, go volunteer at your local playhouse. The key to living your purpose is to begin taking a stand for your passions now. 

Your Wisdom: No two of us has lived the same life experiences so you have wisdom that is all your own. As life shows me again and again, it's hard. You're going to have hardship and pain. You're going to have loss. The question is what you do with all of it. Will you let the pain take you down or will you find the wisdom within and share that wisdom with others who need it? A 69-year old client of mine recently shared her story of marital pain with her EMPOWERED sisters and every woman was so grateful because they needed her wisdom. Whatever you've learned, don't squander it for yourself. Wisdom from trauma and triumph is the heart of a woman's purpose – and we need you sharing it!

You have purpose. You are needed. Especially in this crazy world, you're need now more than ever. 

Use this motivation to make it a powerful week.

With all my love,
Carin

PS: I recorded this video a few years ago and thought you might enjoy it!

Upcoming events:

Purpose in London! Do you want to finally fulfill that dream you've had? Do you want support in going for your purpose? Do you need help sorting out what your purpose is and how to bring it to life? Applications for my 2018 Purpose Mastermind starting soon! We'll kick off at the Driven Women Festival of Doers in London January, then work with me personally to create a plan for your purpose!

Divine Feminine AWAKEN – Do you crave reconnecting with your deepest self? Do you yearn to live in alignment with your heart and soul and live from a place of peace, openness and fierce feminine wisdom? The sacred feminine has many faces – from the Goddess of Compassion to the Wild Woman to Fierce Warrior – and in AWAKEN, you embody every aspect of your feminine self so that you live to your highest power. Look for an invitation soon to join me and my soul sister Stacey Hoffer to deepen in the fierce sacred feminine.

Facebook Live – You can find quick happy tips on Instagram and Facebook and I host a Facebook Live every Monday at 1 pm to motivate you for the week. I get very raw and real and always focus on how you can live a better life. You can watch Facebook Lives weekly here.

Women's National History Month in March – Do you work for a company with a women's initiative or do you want your company to start one? I've spoken to companies like Progressive Insurance, AVON and BMW and will come speak to your organization's women (and men) about leading as a powerful woman. I'll share why we're lower in self-confidence and provide tools, stories and motivation to excel from your fierce feminine strengths. Contact my speaking manager Heather here for more information.

 

Filed Under: Purpose Tagged With: Intention, Motivation

October 27, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

5 Surprising Happiness Hacks

Think about a time you felt really happy.
Like blood joyfully dancing in your veins happy.
Or peace calming your whole body happy.
Or deep soul fulfillment happy…
What were you doing? Who were you with? How did you feel inside? While each of us finds happiness in different places – for you it may be on the ski slopes, and for your best friend in the boardroom – positive psychology research shows that there are 5 proven paths to happiness that are easy to do with a bit of intention: P-E-R-M-A.
1. POSITIVITY over Negativity
OK, so this may seem like a no-brainer, but the fact is that our brains have something called “negativity bias.” It's easier to focus on the negative and we all do it unconsciously. However, it makes us miserable!!! A client was just telling me how she's become a complainer at work because everyone else is complaining. Another finds constant fault with her husband. And, most of my clients have negative brain chatter about themselves all day long. If you want to be happy, you need to get intentional about positivity.
  • An easy hack: Daily Happiness – Do ONE thing every day that makes you happy. Whether that's taking a walk in the park, coloring, or working on a purpose idea, if you know that you HAVE to do a happy hack every day, you're more likely to do it, look forward to it, and savor it. One of my clients did this for a month and it changed her happiness for at least a year later.
2. ENGAGE, PLAY, BE
We're so busy running around doing-doing that we often miss the moment we're in. I was speaking at a conference for female
attorneys when a woman shared, “Oh my goodness, I was bathing my daughter last night and on my cell phone the whole time.” We've all done this and to be happier, you need to get present. Turn off your phone at dinner, go play with your child, sit in nature for 10 minutes, bring your mind back when it wanders.
  • Here's a hack: Find an activity that puts you in flow – one where you lose track of time and focus solely on the joy at hand. You may think you don't have time for it, but you actually don't have time to not do it. Your brain needs to be present and to be in flow to be happy. One of my clients resisted this but once she joined a singing group, she not only became happier, but a group member offered her a job because of her attitude!
3. Relationships you LOVE
Humans are social creatures. We need each other to thrive, but research shows that in our busy lives, spending quality time with friends is one of the first things to go. Deep down, we're hungry for connection but instead, we stuff ourselves with food, alcohol and social media. In my groups, women are consistently amazed that they become best friends the first day of the retreat. Of course they do – we're all hungry for real relationships where we can cry, laugh, scream, be heard, and be held without judgement. We need people who believe in us and lift us up!
  • Happiness hack: Put boundaries (like not always answering the phone) around the negative draining relationships in your life (you know which ones they are) and get vulnerable with like-minded souls. Go on a retreat, find a sisterhood, let yourself connect deeply – even when it's scary – and you'll never feel alone again.
4.  Meaning and Purpose
You want to matter. You want to feel like you're making a difference in life and that there's some special way you're impacting the world. Purpose makes you feel fulfilled and we thrive when we have it. Unfortunately, most people don't know their purpose or even where to look for it. Or, you have an inkling of what you'd like to do but you've been too afraid to do it. Your inner voice says, Who are you to write a book? Or: You can't make money singing!  However, you must. The dream never goes away. The yearning never subsides. If you don't know what your purpose is or you're too afraid to go for it, decide to start figuring it out!
  • Purpose hack: Start where you are and take the pressure off! Get curious about when you love being you and do more of that. Think you may love teaching? Volunteer one day with kids. An example: One of my clients wanted to empower high school girls but couldn't figure out how to turn it into a career so I suggested that she do it at her church. Another one of my clients – a top corporate exec who wants to teach meditation – started a weekly meditation class at her company. Or, do my free Living on Purpose guide to get you started!
5. Achieve!
When you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed, and stuck, the last thing you want to do is take action. However, that's exactly what you need. Action is the best antidote to depression. Action puts you into motion. Action creates momentum. Action makes you feel good about yourself, which in turn leads to more action.
  • Hack: Pick one thing on your to do list you've been procrastinating on, but it will make your heart happy to do it, and do that. Even if you're afraid – especially if you're afraid – do it. Today. NOW! Then CELEBRATE yourself for doing it!!! Your brain loves celebration because it tells the brain to do more of that, so have a party and keep yourself achieving what's in your heart.
So there you have it – 5 Surprising Happiness Hacks. I know – they're not very surprising… or are they? These seem like common sense, but love, if they're so obvious, why don't we do them? What's surprising about them is how easy it is to take small steps toward a life that makes you feel great.
xo,
Carin

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: Happiness, Motivation

October 2, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Monday SPARK: Be Intentional

Intention Directs Attention, Which Dictates ACTION

Your SPARK for this week: Set Intentions.

This weekend was Yom Kippur, the holiest day in the Jewish year. It's our holiday to reflect and re-calibrate with our heart, soul, and purpose.

Life gets so chaotic, so busy that often it controls you instead of you controlling it. If you're like most of us, the kids have carpool, the report needs to be written, there's laundry to do again, and before you know it, months or years pass and you wonder where time has gone.

In the absence of controlling your mind and life, it will control you. This is why you must be intentional. Research shows that what you set your intention on, you put your attention to. And we know that whatever you put your attention on, your action follows.

This is why I love coaching: Different than therapy (which I love for different reasons,) coaching intentionally directs your life by looking forward at how you want to feel, who you want to be, and what you want in your life.

Our rabbi coached us perfectly this weekend. He gave us postcards from doyou10Q.com with intentional questions. Each one has an inquiry about where we want to be next year. I love them so much that I'm going to bring them to you throughout the next 6 weeks as weekly Monday SPARKS. Each week, I'll send you an inquiry for you to journal on and  set the intention for your life.

Here's your first one:

By this time next year, I'll explore…

Do you want to explore your purpose? Do you want to explore mindfulness? A new career? Travel to different countries? Study a new topic?

I'd love to hear what you're wanting to explore. Email me and as always, if you're stuck and I can help you figure it out, let me know.

To your Intention setting…

With so much love,
Carin

Filed Under: Empowerment Tagged With: Intention, Monday SPARK, Motivation

September 13, 2017 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Making A Difference: How To Be A Change Agent

When I felt stuck in my career, I yearned to make a difference. My heart ached to do something that mattered. But I had no idea what to do, and any idea I had felt too BIG and too out of reach – so I did nothing. Maybe you can relate.

But since then, I've learned that you can make a difference right here, right now, starting where you are. It doesn't have to be “big” for you to be a change agent.

Last week, I realized how simple being a change agent can be. I spent my birthday doing 43 Acts of Kindness (one for every year of life) and it felt amazing. Here's what we did:

– Wrote a thank you note to our mail carrier who is the BEST and she always gives treats to (our dog) Charlie! – Made 8 PB&J lunch bags with water, fruit and a snack and gave them to homeless people
– Left cupcakes and a note at the fire station
– Made a care package for Houston hurricane survivors
– Dropped off new winter hats and socks at a shelter
– Passed out 20 flowers to people on the street
– Gave nearly 100 free hugs
– The best free hug was with a 14 year old from Miami (pic below) whose family had escaped the hurricane and it was the girl's bday too!
– Bought birthday donuts for the family from Miami
– Posted affirmations in toilet stalls and all over a public market
– Passed out ring pops randomly on the street. Note: Starbucks employees love ring pops!
– Gave thank you notes to cashiers and the deli guy at the supermarket

– Wrote a note of love to my stepson
– Sent flowers to my mom thanking her for birthing me
– Posted appreciation on a few people's FB walls
– Brought sorbet to a sick friend
– Put money in the meter for 10 cars that were expired
-Took Charlie to the park🐶
– Sent lots of prayers to hurricane survivors and people who are discriminated against
– Forgave some grudges I was hanging on to, including toward myself

          

It's that easy to make a difference. Being a change agent starts with you.

Perhaps you've wanted to be a change agent as your career. Perhaps you're craving making “big” change in your life or in the lives of others.

I get it. Years ago, I craved this too and so I got my Master's degree in Positive Psychology, the science of happiness and human flourishing. Positive Psychology gave me the foundation of knowledge to be a change agent.

If you crave knowledge to become a change agent too, then I invite you to check out the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology program (CAPP). This 6 month training will give you the tools and information you need to immediately become a change agent in your work, community, at home, and globally.

In CAPP, you'll learn:

  • How to transform negative thinking into the positive
  • How to have a growth mindset for success
  • All about your brain to use it to your advantage
  • How to use your strengths and teach it to others
  • The benefits and applications of mindfulness
  • The principles of healthy relationships
  • How to uncover your life purpose and help others do the same
  • Best practices in goal achievement and changing habits
  • The facets of a vital, healthy body

Plus, you'll learn in a community of like-hearted change agents who all want to make a difference. Having graduated 800 change agents globally, I promise in CAPP you'll find your tribe. In fact, it was CAPP's founder who gave me the idea for birthday acts of kindness, so if this resonates, you know you'll fit into CAPP!

Class meets for one weekend monthly and every week online, so you can take CAPP anywhere, even if it's not offered where you live. In fact, I teach CAPP in Miami so I can have warmth all winter long! 🙂 I'd love to have you join me in Miami, or you can join one of 11 other cities this Fall. All the teachers are great!

As a teacher, I also can offer you $150 off, so if CAPP resonates with your heart, then just use this code: carinr27 and you'll get the discount!

Check CAPP out here. Feel free to email me any questions you have. Again, use carin27 to get a discount.

And whether you choose to join CAPP or not, remember that being a change agent is easy, and it starts with you. We're all capable of making a big difference in this world.

With so much love,
Carin

Filed Under: Purpose Tagged With: CAPP, Change Agent, Motivation

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