Do you ever feel powerless?
Like you used to be joyful and bold and brave and you have no idea where your power went?
But I spent this weekend with 500 amazing women and my new mentor gaining it back. Through deep soulful exercises, sacred Sisterhood empowering one another, and connecting with my body in luscious dancing, I remembered that deep within me is a Knowing. A Truth. SHE is my power.
SHE tells me what I want. (And don't want.)
SHE tells me what I like. (And don't like.)
And SHE tells you too.
But if you're like me, you don't always listen to HER because SHE seems impractical.
For instance, SHE wants to fly first class to my Greece retreat in September, but Fear Brain says, “What a waste of money. You don't need that.”
SHE gets excited about creating a movement to eradicate women's depression, but Fear Brain says, “Who do you think you are?”
SHE says I'm gorgeous and sexy, but Fear Brain says “Ugh – another grey hair!”
Fear Brain tries to stop your POWER.
But SHE is the source of your JOY. So if you cut her off every time because she's impractical or doesn't make sense, you end up numb, resentful and powerless.
But it's not your fault. It's not even Fear Brain's fault.
Fear Brain is the result of the messages you received that you aren't good enough.
Even if you had the best, most encouraging parents on earth,
Even if you have a big job title,
Even if you have kids who love you and a partner who thinks you're sexy…
We are bombarded all day long with messages that there's something wrong with us:
Your hair is too gray.
Your skin is too wrinkly.
Your belly is too big.
Older women aren't sexy.
And for one of my African American clients who's having trouble loving herself, think about how she grew up with mostly white dolls on the shelf, commercials for shampoos that don't work for her hair, bandaids that don't match her skin, and lack of people who look like her in leadership. So of course, she feels like she's not good enough.
Plus, we're told that if we're bold, we're nasty bitches…
We fear if we shine too bright, we'll make other women feel bad.
If we brag about our brilliance, we're arrogant.
The result is that we give up our power to what we are NOT. We hide it.
We decide we'd be worthy if we were thinner, younger, smarter, more successful, married, a mom, and so much more, so we develop Fear Brain to make us worthy.
The result is that we listen to Fear Brain more than SHE who is your Inner Knowing, your POWER. And every time you listen to Fear Brain, you feel small, resentful, regretful. Numb. Powerless.
But we can take our power back.
I know it's scary, but EVERY TIME I listen to my inner knowing, it's been glorious. Leaving my marketing career to be a speaker, moving to NYC when I had NO money in the bank, asking for a gig on SiriusXM, investing in myself with this new mentor. It's scary to listen to SHE, and sometimes I fail, but ultimately, SHE always guides me to my POWER, my JOY, and my PURPOSE.
SHE will guide you too, but you have to let her. You have to nurture and love and trust HER. Here are a few ideas how:
1. MOVE: When Fear Brain gets in your way, turn on music you love and rock out. Your body is designed to move and as a woman, it's designed to dance. Just this morning, I turned around self-doubt dancing to Rhianna's Diamonds and it was fabulous. So rock it out and return to your glorious power.
2. GET IT OUT: Fear Brain can be SO loud and so damaging that sometimes we have to get out our anger, fear, and self-doubt with a good old-fashioned temper tantrum. Just yesterday, I let myself get anger out and it allowed it to move through me instead of taking it out on Josh or my mom. So go to the bathroom, cry, scream, hit a pillow. Tell the Fear Brain to F*Off!
3. DAILY PRACTICE: You MUST begin a daily practice NOW of rejoicing in your glory. Walk by a mirror and wink at the woman in front of you. Tenderly tell your thighs you love them for how strong they are. Learn your own strengths and tout them at the office.
4. DARE: Do something that SHE wants you to do – travel, take a painting class, approach that hottie for a date, go on a retreat. Prove to yourself that you CAN. I did this by saying YES to SHE with this program and as I sat in the room Sunday morning, I said, “This is the best investment I've made.”
5. SISTERHOOD: Get a supportive Sisterhood that will reflect your genius, hold you when you cry, believe in you when you want to reach new heights, and cheerlead you all the way.
I hope you practice the 5 tips above. Comment below with questions or to let me know which you try. May you stand in your power today and every day.