Carin Rockind

PurposeGirl

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What’s Next: What I Learned From a Bag of Chips

During graduation season, I discovered a bit of wisdom in a bag of chips!?

As young adults are celebrating high school graduation they are barraged with questions; what are you doing next, where are you going to school, what are you studying, are you living on campus, when do you start, etc., etc., etc.????

Having seen my sons struggle with some of these questions I wanted to take a different approach with my nephew, Caleb, when he graduated a few weeks ago.  However, I caught myself asking some of these same questions and paused, stopped and then began again this time from a different perspective.  Slowing things down and instead asking, “How does it feel to be done with high school?”

Reaching a goal that is set, by others, 13 years in advance, is a big deal!  Why not allow graduates to take a few minutes, hours, days or weeks to process the journey, celebrate their accomplishments and stay in between the end of high school and the beginning of what is next for just a little while?  What is the hurry to move them along to the next goal?

I wasn’t planning to attend his party, but the passing of my beloved dog, Remington, made it possible. So I arrived completely unprepared with a gift or card.  While picking up ice with my younger nephew, Darien, I confessed that I didn’t have anything for his brother and at least needed a card. We couldn’t find any cards and so I asked what does Caleb like?  He likes food. Well, what 17-year-old boy doesn’t???  How about potato chips (since they were staring me in the face at the moment)?  Yes!

A bag of Lay’s, salt and vinegar chips appeared to be the perfect gift!  However, I couldn’t just hand Caleb a bag of chips and say “Happy graduation, congrats!” There needed to be something more to it than that.  During the entire party I searched my creative spaces to figure out a meaningful a way to present this unconventional, and somewhat cheesy gift to him.

Finally, things came together. Lay’s, I decide, is an abbreviation for Life Allows Yumminess SAVOR!  Scavenging for a Sharpie (again leaning on Darien for assistance), this brilliance was added to the bag of chips.  But wait, there has to be more…

Raiding my sister’s office, I found a sheet of blue paper, made two quick folds and added some additional thoughts: “Take time to enjoy your accomplishments.  Soon you will be off in a new direction with greater conquests in your sights.  Build on the strong foundation you have set and enter into the world with curiosity and confidence – love Auntie Betsy.”

As I wrote this, I realized that I needed this advice myself. With Remington’s passing, this is the first time I haven’t  had a pet since 1987. For the first time in my adult life I am responsible only for ME. My children are grown and independent, I’m divorced, and I have no pets.  Just as with Caleb, I stopped asking “what’s next” and instead asked “how do I feel?”  I don’t have to know what is next. I can celebrate the wonderful men I raised, the great lives I provided to my shelter pets and the many years I dedicated to my marriage and family.  Those greater conquests can go unidentified. Soon enough they will reveal themselves but for now I’m going to spend some time in the “in between.”  In this moment I feel free, a little apprehensive, accepting of all the losses and disappointments but most of all optimistic, excited and curious for the future.

In the past several years I’ve experienced a lot of life changes, multiple transitions.  I’ve often found myself in the “in between.” Being between an ending and a beginning is uncomfortable, foreign and scary for me.  I feel like I should know what to do next or how to fill the space that an ending has opened.  Sometimes I come out of this emptiness only to realize I need some more time there before I’m ready to move to the next thing.  Allowing myself to slow down and appreciate the “in between” has afforded opportunities that I may have missed if I had rushed to fill the space.

When Caleb’s party wrapped up, he unwrapped his gifts and the day was complete.  I don’t know what impact my gift had on him (I’m sure the cash was appreciated) but the message has stayed with me for some time since.

Have you spent enough or any time in the “in between”?  Are there opportunities in your life to pause and savor before jumping into the next thing?

As you begin to ask, “what’s next,” pause, stop and consider allowing time for the “in between” … even if it is only long enough to enjoy a bag of chips!  Life Allows Yumminess, SAVOR!

Betsy SimmonsBetsy is the Founder of Journey of WE, Inc. and holds a Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology. She is actively applying the theories and science of happiness to enable individuals, organizations and community groups to increase their level of well-being.

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Freedom – Our Time is Now

I'm sorry I've been a bit quiet here – I've been in the middle of personal transformation and to be honest, some rupture.

The state of our world left me feeling a bit speechless, heart broken, and honestly, somewhat powerless. It's been hard to think about celebrating Freedom when migrant children are stuck in caged camps just a few states over. Part of me wanted to just send you positive messages, but it felt a bit like putting lipstick on a pig. Part of me wanted to pretend it's not happening. Part of me convinced myself that it's not my job to talk about these issues.

But in these times, we can't just turn a blind eye or hide under the covers.
We're needed now more than ever.

My soul sister Stacey said to me, “When we look back at these horrific times, our grandchildren will ask what we were doing to make a difference.”
This struck a chord.
My grandparents were Holocaust survivors and they needed regular ol' citizens to be active. Plenty of people turned a blind eye to their plight. Plenty of people just went about their business hoping it would go away. The United States sent boatloads of Holocaust victims back to the gas chambers.

But some people rose up.

It was the kindness, generosity, purpose, and courage of average, every day people in Cleveland, Ohio who helped my grandfather come to America.
So I've been struggling with the question: What can I do?
What's my part?
Perhaps you've been struggling with this, too.

As I meditated and got quiet, I heard the answer. The Goddess said: “You get every woman up on her feet living her true purpose. You call upon every woman who has been afraid to start a business, or go for the C-level job, to do it because we need more women in leadership. You empower every woman who has wanted to leave her cushy job to start a non-profit to go do it, because we need more compassion and love for those in need. You call upon every woman who has had the desire to write a book or become a teacher or start a podcast to go do it because women hold deep and ancient wisdom in our bones which will heal the world. You remind every mother that SHE has the POWER to to teach her children ‘Never Again.'”

Every single one of us has a role to play in healing the world. 
And we are needed NOW.

YOU are needed now: EMPOWERED and living your true purpose.

How do I know? Women are still the major caretakers of children, the major caretakers of the home, women do the majority of the shopping, thus we are the major consumers, AND women are graduating in higher rates than men from universities in the US. Think about it – when you follow your heart, you teach your children to do the same. When you speak up, you inspire neighbors to do the same. When you spend your money on causes that matter to you, you change the future. So my love, WOMEN HOLD THE POWER – AND CAN CHANGE THIS WORLD.

The key is to be EMPOWERED. 
It's making a decision to stop playing small.

It's about getting out of your own way to finally be free.
It's about being honest with yourself about your dreams and desires and longings.
It's about believing in yourself to make a difference.

My love, I believe in YOU.
I know you're here for more.
I know you're a Queen.
I know you can change the world.
We will change the world together. You don't have to take on immigration – take on your passion – and do it with fierce heart, loving compassion, and gritty tenacity. 

In the coming weeks, I'll be coming to you with opportunities to play big. Opportunities to be Empowered. Opportunities to rock it out and make a difference as only you can. I can't wait to change the world with you! And THAT is worth CELEBRATING!!

Here's to our FREEDOM!
XO,
Carin

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What Kate Spade taught (in life and death) – Depression and Suicide Support

It's been jarring recently with the news of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain's deaths by suicide and I feel the need to share my own experience, so that if any of this resonates, you get the support you need. (Or urge a friend to.)

It's not that Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain are more important than the nearly 45,000 suicides that occur in the US each year (or those that occur throughout the world); it's just that these celebrities have brought the issue of mental health to light this week. Maybe this will help us wake up to remove the stigma around depression. Maybe this will make the topic “acceptable” to talk about at Christmas dinner and neighborhood block parties. Maybe their deaths will prevent one more. 

I've never tried to commit suicide, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't uttered the words,
“This is just too hard.”
“I can't do this anymore.”
“The pain is too great.”
When Anxiety has hijacked my brain for hours or days,
When I've been depressed and thought that no one cared,
When I was so ashamed of wanting a divorce that I thought it might be easier to die,
When the pain of my miscarriages were too great to bear,
When I was filled with shame at 17 for loving a girl who beat me,
When I couldn't face my own darkness.

It's just seemed too hard.

With my last miscarriage, I actually said the words “I don't want to be alive anymore.”
Fortunately, I said this to my husband, my friends, my therapist.
I got help, I let myself be held, I found purpose in my pain and I don't feel that way anymore.

But I do still get depressed. Painful emotions are part of being human and part of being a fully expressed woman and it's why we need support and tools. 

We ALL have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, highs and lows, and we MUST learn self compassion and self kindness to get us through the lows. We need support – counselors, friends, loved ones, organizations who are there for us. And we have to learn to self-soothe.

I don't know much about Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain. I just know that they seemed to “have it all.”

Kate Spade's brand was so colorful and upbeat and lively. Her sister said she was afraid that if we all knew about her deep pain, we wouldn't believe in her brand. I totally get it. I too have thought that if you knew my pain, you wouldn't believe in me as a Happiness Coach.

But it's feeling more and more like we need to “come out of the mental health closet.” All of us. Whether you are a celebrity or not, we each influence others – family, friends, colleagues, via social media…

Depression is a horrible thing. It feels hopeless and you feel helpless. And it's embarrassing. I have felt so much shame when I've struggled with it because I was always “the happy child,” “the perfect one” – I just wanted to have it all together.

How many of us hide our pain because we think others don't want to hear it? Because we think others won't like it? Because we don't want to be a burden? Because it seems “weak”? Because we think we're just supposed to be happy and smiley and strong and okay all the freaking time??!!!

You don't have to be happy all the time.
That's bullshit.
Happiness isn't yellow smiley faces and bullshit emoticons.
Happiness is struggling well.
It's resilience through the pain.
It's meaningful growth.
It's deep fulfillment and purpose.

So if you've been struggling, please get support.
If you have a friend who's struggling, please urge them to get support.
Two of my clients volunteer for CRISIS TEXT LINE. Text HELLO to 741741.

If I can be of any help to you, please let me know.

And in the meantime, I'm sending so much love to Ms. Spade and Mr. Bourdain's families – and to all families that have lived with this pain. And to all of those who have suffered depression. We're in this together. #WeDeserveBetter

This week's episode of The PurposeGirl Podcast is about this issue and what to do if you or a loved one is suffering from depression. In a powerful and extremely informative interview, clinical therapist, Lisa Lapidus, LICSW, talks about why we are seeing so much depression, how to talk with kids and loved ones about it, and how to take steps to feeling vibrant. It’s a not-to-miss episode. In fact, you may want to send this one to all your friends, your kids’ schools, your family members and colleagues. Let’s fight this together – with extreme compassion and love.

With so much love,
Carin

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You CAN Be EMPOWERED, And You Deserve It!

Fill in the following sentences: “An Empowered Woman (or Man) is ____________. An Empowered Woman does __________. An Empowered Woman has ______________.”

Now look at your list – how are you measuring up to your own definition?

If you're like my clients who just graduated from my 4 month EMPOWERED program, you said things like:

  • An Empowered Woman follows her heart no matter what others say.
  • An Empowered Woman is confident and happy with her decisions.
  • An Empowered Woman has courage to say “Yes!” and “NO!”

When these women began the program in January, they were afraid they would never be the women they described.

One was afraid that her dreams would break her marriage apart. One had never been allowed to dream as a child, so she didn't even know what her heart wanted. Another was tired of being passed up for promotions, and another let fear keep her in a job she disliked for years.

I get it – I used to be the same way. I looked at women who were confident vibrant Goddesses, and I felt horribly envious. I wanted to be the one following my dreams. I wanted to be the one who was light and full of laughter.

I'm sure you get it too. So many of us – men and women – are afraid to be who we really are. You're afraid to stand in your full power because at some point, someone said you aren't good enough. Eventually we come to believe it.

So we spent the first part of EMPOWERED reconnecting with our TRUTH: The beauty, vibrancy, and gifts that lie deep down inside of us. I asked the women to share pictures of themselves as little girls – ages before they were told who they should and should not be. One woman saw how sad her younger self was. Another wanted to save her sweet younger self from the pain she was about to endure. One remembered that she was so independent that at 5, she faked going to a babysitter to show her mom that she could take care of herself!

We then spent a month peeling back the layers of shame, guilt, and fear that cover you up. One hid under the pain of being adopted, another being gay in a small southern town, another carried the shame of being disowned by family, another carried the guilt of a struggling marriage.

And then over coming months, they re-wrote their stories, they chose how they want to live their lives now, they wrote vows to themselves, and then they began taking action.

Oh my goodness, friend, these women are now on FIRE!

  • The one afraid that her dreams would break up her marriage? She spoke up to her husband and created a studio space for her dancing.
  • The one who wasn't allowed to dream? She now loves herself so much that she's turned down unworthy men and is planning solo travel.
  • The one looked over for promotions? She went and asked for a new job.
  • And the one who hated her job? She gave notice and is planning her own business.

Here's a video of one of them talking about her life now.

I am in AWE of every single one of these women. I am SO blessed to know, love and support them!  They overcame their fears and self-doubt. They created new paths for life. And they did it together! That's why I run Sisterhoods like this and like the F*Midlife Club, and why I do small group leadership training at corporations. When we do the work together, we soar!

See, deep down we all yearn to be Empowered. We crave living bigger, more fulfilling lives. We were born to activate our dreams!

Why else were you born if not to be your full, vibrant, powerful self? Why else would you exist in your exact form if not to bring all of your gifts and passions to the world? Why else would you have survived the traumas and challenges of your life if not to now speak with courage?

If you also yearn for Empowerment, then do what these women did. Peel back the layers, go deep, uncover your truth, choose a new path, activate your desires. And if you need help, join one of my groups or email me. My work works and I'd be honored to support you.

Below is a video I taped for you to be empowered too. And TONIGHT, I’ll be live-streaming “Make Monday Happy” with more insight about becoming empowered for free on my business Facebook Page at 6:30 pm ET. (Click here to follow the page and get notification when I go live.)

You can become the Empowered soul you were born to be. And you deserve it.

“See” you tonight – Remember, 6:30 pm HERE for my live, short webinar “Make Monday Happy”.

XO,
Carin

PS – If you want to be on the waiting list for the next EMPOWERED group, email me. I will help you clarify your desires, get out of your fear, and move forward!!!

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Happy International Women’s Day

When I was a little girl, my mom told me that I could be anything I wanted to.

She had wanted to be a doctor, but felt it wasn't an option in her day. So she became a teacher and then ran a college math department.

She woke everyday at 5 am to make us all breakfast and lunch. She graded papers all night while we did homework or watched TV.  She sent cards for every birthday and to everyone who was sick. And most importantly, she did it all in JOY.

She showed me what it is to be strong, ambitious, of service, and generous. She is, in a word, my hero.

I celebrate her by doing exactly what I want to today. By being of service to YOU. By sharing my wisdom, stories, mistakes, knowledge, and tools to empower you to live a happier, more fulfilled life.

And whenever I feel like quitting, I remember her. Then I remember her mother, my grandmother, a holocaust survivor who came to the US with nothing and made a beautiful life here without EVER complaining about her circumstances.

And then I remember you.

See, we live in times where you can do whatever you want. Start a business? Yes! Be a single mom? Absolutely! Make money from art? Heck yes – have you heard of ETSY? 😉

So I will say to you exactly what my mother said to me: You can do ANYTHING you heart desires, anything you put your mind to.

And if you don't know what you want, begin uncovering it. What better day is there than International Women's Day to begin?

On this International Women's Day, remember that you are here for unique purpose – like my mom, like my grandmother, like me. My grandmother needed to survive the holocaust to leave her legacy, and you need to triumph through your challenges for yours.

I know – you may feel too old or tired or unsure. I've felt that before too. Or maybe you forget what you used to dream of. Or maybe after years of taking care of kids and partners and bosses, you're exhausted and lost and want to give up.

Don't give up. Give over. Surrender the challenge and let yourself explore your true self with curiosity and JOY.  

I promise you this – you are EXACTLY the age and stage of life you need to be at in order to dive into your joyful, fulfilling purpose NOW.

You are brilliant not “despite” your age – but because of it. You are capable not “despite” your life challenges – but because you survived them. You are the only person in the world with your unique strengths and passions and talents and you were born to shine these brightly in the world!

You are worthy of shining. Like my mother. Like my grandmother. Like every strong woman who has come before us – from Rosa Parks to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

You are them. They are you. We are each other.

And we rise by lifting each other up. We rise together.

That's why I'm super honored on this International Women's Day to announce a free empowerment webinar for women, “F*Midlife: Be Fierce, Fab and Fulfilled Now” on March 15 at 7 pm ET. Click here for information and to register.  

If you've been struggling with purpose, join us. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, lost, or like something's missing, join us. If you're ready to make change on this International Women's Day and you want to feel empowered, then join us! It's going to be fun, inspiring and filled with action forward. If this resonates, click here to register to join us.

And most importantly, make sure that you take today to CELEBRATE YOU and the women in your life. Take a few moments to reflect on what you're proud of. Take a bath and envision what you're excited about. Call friends and tell them how much they inspire you.

Which leads me to my last point this International Women's Day – THANK YOU. You inspire me every day to be better at what I do. You light up my life, you bring me complete joy, you make the world a more loving place by being in this tribe. I am so grateful for you. Thank you for letting me serve and support you. You are my Sisters forever! Happy International Women's Day. ❤

I am your Sister. I love you so much!
Carin

PS – I have selected the dates for my next retreat in  PARIS!!!! So stay tuned for an email soon to travel the world with me! Ooh la la!

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