Happy Friday!

Do you ever feel like you're spinning on a treadmill trying to be more, do more, be better, do better, comparing yourself to everyone you know, feeling less than, like there's a million goals you haven't yet gotten to, constantly feeling like crap because you can't keep up with everyone else's expectations, wants, and needs – let alone your own – and then you end up calling yourself a Big Fat Loser?

Me too. And the majority of my clients. And my students. And my friends. And likely yours too. Even all of the people to whom you're comparing yourself are comparing themselves and we all end up feeling like crap!

Enough is enough. The cycle of not-enoughness is something your brain developed to help you survive should you be eaten by a saber toothed tiger. Well, there are no such tigers – just ogres in the office, cliquey soccer moms, and unknown strangers on Facebook seeming to “have it all” together.

The last of these is my worst cycle of not-enoughness. I constantly compare myself to other speakers, coaches, and authors on Facebook, feeling like a loser for what I haven't done yet. The crazy part is that then hot, ugly shame runs through my body and makes me want to go back to bed. The negative emotion then clouds my brain and makes it nearly impossible to write, thus creating a “self-fulfilling prophecy” of never achieving the goal.

What I realized this week was that this pattern has been with me all my life. I used to compare myself to the other cheerleaders or sorority girls because I “needed” to be “the best.” Comparison and not-enoughness were my motivation to do more and be better.

The pattern that used to help me is now hindering me. Sound familiar?

Enough is enough. Enough with the shame. Enough with the guilt. YOU ARE ENOUGH. As is. YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED SO MUCH! CELEBRATE THAT!

Recently, I shared with a friend that I was comparing myself to her because she is doing more speaking than I am right now and she said, “Oh my G-d, I was just thinking that I should be taking clients to Paris like you did!” (Read here about the Paris trip if you missed last week's blog.)
So we each have been setting ourselves up for shame, anxiety, and failure. Instead, we flipped the conversation to what we are proud of. She said, “If 3 years ago, you knew that you would be on SiriusXM, you'd speaking at companies like Ernst & Young, you'd have clients you love, and you would take clients to Paris, what would you have said?” I laughed. I'd have been THRILLED with my achievements!

Then I felt PROUD, HAPPY, and ENOUGH! And, interestingly, EXCITED TO DO MORE! Not “gotta do more” but “get to do more.” It's actually shifted my thinking from “I gotta work on my book because I'm falling behind” to “I GET TO WORK ON MY BOOK AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE” and I can't wait!

Positivity, enoughness, and excitement to purpose are the BEST motivators! Research shows that when you slow down and savor the present moment, you are happier. The more gratitude you feel on the journey, the more your brain will work to create those feelings in the future, and the more juicy forward movement you'll make.

So, would you like to make the shift from not-enough to excited? Here's how.  Ask yourself:

• How has this old pattern served me?
• How is it no longer serving me?
• Why am I afraid to let it go?
• What will happen if I keep this pattern for 5 more years? (Ugh)
• What will happen in 5 years if I accept that I am enough? If I love myself as I am? If I savor the moment and feel proud of myself?
• So what is GOOD? What am I PROUD of?
• Feel that yumminess and let it carry you forward!
• So, let's get off the exhausting treadmill, savor the present, and move forward with excitement and purpose.

With so much love,
xoxo,
Carin

ps – If you want some inspiration and rejuvenation and you missed my blog about my Paris retreat, read this! The retreat was 5 days of immersion into self-love, using the city as inspiration, elevation up the Eiffel Tower and as our highest selves, and self-expression writing, waiting, and dancing at the night club! We learned SO much and my last blog shares with you the 5 top lessons (click here). Plus, I'm now super excited about going on retreats that inspire your soul, rock your lives, and empower you to fall totally in love with you. So if you want to come on retreat with me in the future, on my next soul-rejuvenation adventure, email me, share where you want to go, and I'll let you be the first to know when and where we're going to love ourselves, uplift our souls, and become our best selves! Click here to email me 🙂 xoxox

pps – Here are some of the INSPIRING, ELEVATING, FUN PICS from Purpose in Paris for your own inspiration!

Bonjour my dear!

Greetings from beautiful Paris where I've just spent the past 5 days with clients elevating ourselves to our highest, best, happiest selves. Using the city as inspiration, we learned 5 steps to SHINE BRIGHTLY and I want to share them with you so that you can shine as well.

IMMERSION: On Day 1, we immersed ourselves in the Beauty of Paris AND of ourselves. We wrote our hopes along the Champs Élysées, cruised along the Seine to see the whole city, and popped champagne as the Eiffel Tower lit up in glittery sparkles. What we learned is to see the beauty in ourselves, to take in the WHOLE – the big picture of our lives AND our DREAMS – and to believe in them. We learned the power of LIGHTING up and SPARKLING with JOY. When you see your own beauty and believe in your dreams,  you sparkle. And when YOU sparkle, you light up others. 

INSPIRATION: On Day 2, we mindfully, intentionally let Paris inspire us via all 5 senses. We took a Self-Love tour of the Louvre looking for art that portrayed our DREAMS, personified women's STRENGTH, and awoke our heart's DELIGHT. We shopped for fresh ingredients in the open market that we savored at a picnic in the rose gardens. As we reflected on our hopes, we learned that when we clear our minds, open our hearts, and allow inspiration to seep in through each of the senses, we awaken our deepest desires. How can YOU clear your mind chatter and simply allow beauty to inspire you? Where can you sit? What foods can you mindfully taste and savor? What scents and sounds awaken your truth? When you allow inspiration in, you expand.

ELEVATION:  On Day 3, we allowed the city to uplift our souls and show us how to elavate our lives so that we soar. After loving kindness meditation in the Tuileries Gardens, embracing Goddess wisdom, we ascended the Eiffel Tower and celebrated with champagne. We then stood in front of Notre Dame, and as we discussed rising up to our highest selves, the church bells rang. We learned that to SOAR, you must be GROUNDED in your truth and rise above the chaos and noise of “shoulds,” others' expectations, and nasty mind chatter, so that your heart's desire can fly. When you elevate from your HEART, YOU SOAR – YOU ARE BRIGHT, AWE-INSPIRING LIGHT!

EXPRESSION: Once inspired, on Day 4, we let our inner child PLAY and FULLY EXPRESS herself! After meditation in the park, we snacked through the market starting with dessert first! Then we played on a carousel ride, painted atop Montmartre like Renoir did, and danced the night away at a Paris  nightclub! When you EXPRESS your truth without giving a damn what others think, you feel ALIVE! No more holding back out of guilt or shame, or because you're afraid you'll look stupid. Who cares? You're living on purpose. Let yourself play, and scream, and fully express your truth!

DEVOTION: Living your highest, brightest, best self requires commitment to self-love. So on Day 5, we SHED THE GUILT, SHAME, and FEAR that have been holding us back from soaring. We pledged to no longer let the old stories and “shoulds” hold us back from our light. And then we VOWED SELF-LOVE on the Pont des Arts, the famous bridge where lovers have declared their love for each other for decades with “locks of love.” Instead, we declared our love for ourselves and commitment to our dreams. Living on purpose as your highest, best, elevated, and bright brilliant self requires commitment to your dreams and to yourself. It's just too easy to fall into the “day-to-day” and let others' needs, demands, and “shoulds” hold you back from what you know your heart needs. So, what self-love vow will you make this week? Make it. Commit to yourself and your dreams. You're worth it.

WOW – what an amazing journey with these brave, beautiful women. We all learned and grew – myself included. While Paris has always been my favorite city, this Purpose in Paris retreat elevated my soul. I hope that our journey inspires your own.

With all my love, ma cherie,
xoxo,
Carin

ps – I'm now super excited about going on retreats! Want to come on retreat with me in the future? I'm dreaming up my next soul-rejuvenation adventure, so email me, share where you want to go, and I'll let you be the first to know when and where we're going to love ourselves, uplift our souls, and become our best selves! Click here to email me 🙂 xoxox

pps – More INSPIRING, ELEVATING PICS for your own inspiration!

My dear,

Do you ever find yourself saying “Yes” when you really mean “Absolutely not, don't even think about it, Never, uh-uh, NO!?”

Me too. I almost did it again yesterday, but in a stroke of Wisdom, I listened to my truth, and today, I am at peace, content, and excited. SPARK: To live your purpose, you must follow your heart-knowing.

Josh and I are looking for a home and our realtor found us the “perfect” house: A complete remodel with a brand new white kitchen, new bathrooms, central air, finished basement, move-in ready… Except, neither of us wanted to move into it. We felt nothing there; just that we “should” love it.

When you hear yourself say “should” – beware (be aware) – this is probably your fear, not your heart-knowing wisdom, and it will lead you astray almost every time. “Should” was helpful when you were a kid and needed to visit your grandparents even though you didn't want to. It's no longer helpful today.

When making decisions about your life's work, love, and most areas of life, “should” clouds your mind, creates chaos, and and covers up your heart-knowing. In fact, research proves that thinking about a decision leads you astray. The best decisions are made on the spot with your “gut” (or heart-knowing), or after you “sleep on it” because your sub-conscious brings about your TRUE feelings.

Heart-knowing is truth. And it's always right.

Our truth is that we loved a different house – one that needs new windows, lacks a master bath, has no central air, the fireplace is broken, and the basement is a bit skank…. But… the huge front porch called our souls to linger with a bottle of wine, the warm living room invited us to sit, and the grand entrance welcomed us home. Being there lit up our hearts and made us feel warm inside. Every cell in our bodies said, “YES.”

This is the same feeling I had when I followed my purpose to inspire you to light up. It was scary as hell, but my heart knew. And it was the best decision I've ever made.

Just as heart-knowing is truth, Wisdom is listening to your heart-knowing. Wisdom is being able to tell the difference between your “yes” and your “no” and following it.

Below is a video about how to know your Yes from your No – how to make decisions with heart-knowing that will lead you to JOY! Enjoy!

xoxo,
Carin

ps – Do you have friends who want to live happier, more purpose-full lives? SHARE THE PURPOSE LOVE! Send them this link so they can sign up to receive these tips. They will love you for it and thank you to the moon and back! Again, they can sign up here! Thanks!!! xoxox

Good morning,

Ever since my miscarriage, I've been feeling a lot of anxiety. It's normal, of course, and it's made me take a good hard look at my life.

I'm a perfectionist. I constantly compare myself to others and beat myself up for not being “more.” I've obsessed over what people think of me and given way too much credence to others' opinions. I've believed that if I am not big and famous, I am nothing. One bad radio show and I've thought I was doomed. Put simply, I've felt not good enough and it's killing me. It's a recipe for misery, so NO MORE!

There. I said it. Now it's your turn. What do you need to admit to yourself so that you can finally have the freedom, peace, and purpose you desire?

Most of us walk around with stories that we are not good enough. We think we have to do more, be more, or have more to be okay. Or we have to be quiet and hide our true selves to be loved. There's a biological reason: we're wired to want to belong. Your brain, desperate for survival, obsesses about who you have to be in order to fit in. And then you end up anxious, sad, lost, stuck, or depressed.

Let's end this madness. We'll do it together.  The way to succeed isn't to “do more” but to “be yourself.” Your true self. Live your strengths instead of trying to be like everyone else. Speak your wisdom instead of holding it in. Live your purpose instead of staying in a job that you hate. Savor time with loved ones instead of checking your phone for what you need to do next. Take the art class you've wanted to just because it will fill you with joy. Enjoy the path, one step at a time, savoring every single moment for the miracle that it is.

When you know that you are good enough as is, you can freely pursue your dreams with joy. You don't attach your self-worth to the outcome because you know that you are already worthy regardless. So if you get rejected, you just try again. And the most beautiful part? You enjoy the path.

This is easier to say than do, I know. And I'm committed because it's so freakin' FREEING! Here's an exercise I love to help you. In her book, “Loving What Is,” Byron Katie brilliantly suggests 4 questions to overcome the “not good enough” beliefs and love what is:

• Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
• Can you absolutely know that it's true? (Yes or no.)
• How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
• Who would you be without the thought?

When I did this exercise with a client last week, she said that without old thoughts, she'd put her beautiful art in the world. What about you? Who would you be, what would you do, without the “not good enough” thoughts?

You are on this earth to be the full expression of your soul. As is. That is how you'll succeed. And be Happy. Your SPARK: You are enough right now. And so am I.

xoxo,
Carin

ps – I want everyone who needs my work to receive it, so please share the purpose love. If you have friends who would benefit from my messages, please share this link with them so they can sign up to receive them! Again, they can sign up here! Thanks!!! xoxox

My Dear,

Your SPARK this week is: Believe in Yourself! Know that you are capable, competent, and courageous. Remember who you are, and that you have accomplished so much already. And, know that you have everything it takes to pursue your purpose and follow your dreams.

Years ago, I forgot who I was. I had little confidence. I used to look at women who had moved to a cool city, traveled the world, created a freelance business, and I wondered with envy, “Why not me?”

A dear friend from high school was writing for Cosmopolitan magazine, and internally I cried, “Why not me?”

After falling into a painful depression and then working so hard on myself, I realized the only difference between them and me was that they went for it. They believed in themselves enough to try. And so, when faced with the decision to leave my old job and pursue my purpose fully, I knew that the only obstacle in my way was me. I said to myself, “The only reason to not pursue this is if I don't believe in myself. If I believe in myself, I must do this. Because, even if I fail, I believe enough in myself to land back on my feet.”

Belief in yourself is THE differentiator between people living their purpose and people yearning for it.

I believe in you. You are the only person on earth with your exact, wonderful strengths, talents, passions, and wisdoms. To increase self-confidence, ask yourself, “What am I good at? Which of my own characteristics do I love? How can I help someone today?”

If you want to learn more about how to believe in yourself, join me at noon ET today as I host my free Purpose Power Hour call, in which I will teach you how to gain confidence in yourself to move forward.

Have a confident week!
With so much love,
Carin

PS – If you want an uber-confidence-creating, soul-rejuvenating experience, I have 1 spot left on my women's retreat, Purpose in Paris! Click here to email me about it! For 5 days and 4 nights, we'll meditate every day in a different Parisienne garden, we'll sail the Seine River, watch the Eiffel Tower light up at night, paint, write, and PLAY so that your soul is REJUVENATED and ready for greatness. To learn more, click here!