Do you ever feel like you're spinning on a treadmill trying to be more, do more, be better, do better, comparing yourself to everyone you know, feeling less than, like there's a million goals you haven't yet gotten to, constantly feeling like crap because you can't keep up with everyone else's expectations, wants, and needs – let alone your own – and then you end up calling yourself a Big Fat Loser?
Me too. And the majority of my clients. And my students. And my friends. And likely yours too. Even all of the people to whom you're comparing yourself are comparing themselves and we all end up feeling like crap!
Enough is enough. The cycle of not-enoughness is something your brain developed to help you survive should you be eaten by a saber toothed tiger. Well, there are no such tigers – just ogres in the office, cliquey soccer moms, and unknown strangers on Facebook seeming to “have it all” together.
The last of these is my worst cycle of not-enoughness. I constantly compare myself to other speakers, coaches, and authors on Facebook, feeling like a loser for what I haven't done yet. The crazy part is that then hot, ugly shame runs through my body and makes me want to go back to bed. The negative emotion then clouds my brain and makes it nearly impossible to write, thus creating a “self-fulfilling prophecy” of never achieving the goal.
What I realized this week was that this pattern has been with me all my life. I used to compare myself to the other cheerleaders or sorority girls because I “needed” to be “the best.” Comparison and not-enoughness were my motivation to do more and be better.
The pattern that used to help me is now hindering me. Sound familiar?
Enough is enough. Enough with the shame. Enough with the guilt. YOU ARE ENOUGH. As is. YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED SO MUCH! CELEBRATE THAT!
Recently, I shared with a friend that I was comparing myself to her because she is doing more speaking than I am right now and she said, “Oh my G-d, I was just thinking that I should be taking clients to Paris like you did!” (Read here about the Paris trip if you missed last week's blog.)
So we each have been setting ourselves up for shame, anxiety, and failure. Instead, we flipped the conversation to what we are proud of. She said, “If 3 years ago, you knew that you would be on SiriusXM, you'd speaking at companies like Ernst & Young, you'd have clients you love, and you would take clients to Paris, what would you have said?” I laughed. I'd have been THRILLED with my achievements!
Then I felt PROUD, HAPPY, and ENOUGH! And, interestingly, EXCITED TO DO MORE! Not “gotta do more” but “get to do more.” It's actually shifted my thinking from “I gotta work on my book because I'm falling behind” to “I GET TO WORK ON MY BOOK AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE” and I can't wait!
Positivity, enoughness, and excitement to purpose are the BEST motivators! Research shows that when you slow down and savor the present moment, you are happier. The more gratitude you feel on the journey, the more your brain will work to create those feelings in the future, and the more juicy forward movement you'll make.
So, would you like to make the shift from not-enough to excited? Here's how. Ask yourself:
- How has this old pattern served me?
- How is it no longer serving me?
- Why am I afraid to let it go?
- What will happen if I keep this pattern for 5 more years? (Ugh)
- What will happen in 5 years if I accept that I am enough? If I love myself as I am? If I savor the moment and feel proud of myself?
- So what is GOOD? What am I PROUD of?
- Feel that yumminess and let it carry you forward!
- So, let's get off the exhausting treadmill, savor the present, and move forward with excitement and purpose.
With so much love,
ps – If you want some inspiration and rejuvenation and you missed my blog about my Paris retreat, read this! The retreat was 5 days of immersion into self-love, using the city as inspiration, elevation up the Eiffel Tower and as our highest selves, and self-expression writing, waiting, and dancing at the night club! We learned SO much and my last blog shares with you the 5 top lessons (click here). Plus, I'm now super excited about going on retreats that inspire your soul, rock your lives, and empower you to fall totally in love with you. So if you want to come on retreat with me in the future, on my next soul-rejuvenation adventure, email me, share where you want to go, and I'll let you be the first to know when and where we're going to love ourselves, uplift our souls, and become our best selves! Click here to email me 🙂 xoxox
pps – Here are some of the INSPIRING, ELEVATING, FUN PICS from Purpose in Paris for your own inspiration!