Carin Rockind, Author at Carin Rockind

April 30, 2013 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Get What You Need

People say to me all the time, “I have a vision or idea but I have no idea how to make it happen!” Maybe you can relate.

Last week, a client's dreams came true before my eyes. After a group coaching session, a participant shared that she wanted to grow her business but couldn't afford the space to do so. Immediately another woman in the group said “I have extra space you can use. Come see if you'll like it.” Just like that, something she had wished and hoped and tried for easily occurred.

This is not a fantasy or an anomaly. This is what happens when we authentically share our hopes and dreams. When coming from a place of genuine enthusiasm to live our purpose, others WANT to help. This happened to me at the dog park last week, to another client when she began telling people at networking events what she wanted to do for a living (as opposed to what she does) and I am literally watching this unfold exponentially for a dear friend. The more we put out what we want, the more we get it. Tell people what you are passionate about, tell them how you are trying to impact others, share your hopes…. And watch what unfolds.

This week's vlog is about getting everything you need by simply sharing your genuine excitement and passion. It is a video for people with a vision or idea, but uncertainty around how to “make” the vision a reality. It is for all of us to learn how to be resourceful so that we can truly live out purpose and love our lives.

April 22, 2013 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

Can't Stop Crying!

So many of you responded about last week’s “Stressed?” video and the prior week about feeling “bleh” – I hope this week message is helpful as well because it is about CRYING – even when we are strong independent women and don’t want to!

Maybe it’s remnants of last week’s Boston tragedy or that I’m overwhelmed with too much to do, or maybe it’s heartbreak from a recent break-up, but whatever it is, I was crying all weekend. SOBBING!

While this isn’t easy to admit, we need to GET REAL. Do you ever feel this way? When you KNOW everything is “okay”… you KNOW that moods are temporary, and that your emotions are running wild – and yet, you still can’t seem to stop them??

Know that you are not alone. Between my friends, my clients and me, I feel like we are filling up the Niagra with these tears! Why are so so many of us are experiencing this right now? Deepak Chopra’s website suggests that we’re “Spring Cleaning” out the emotional gunk. As women, we are so nurturing. We give and give, which is what makes us great confidants. However, we’ve been SO STRONG for SO LONG running our businesses and homes and lives, we need a release!

My friend, whatever the reason you’re crying, it’s okay. You’re not a freak or weak or a crybaby. You’re human. A superhuman, perhaps, with a million responsibilities and exceptional strength, but still human. Strong emotional reaction is natural. The great positive psychologist and author, Jonathan Haidt, likens this type of emotional response to a tiny little rider trying to guide and rein in a huge elephant. The huge elephant is our unconscious mind and automatic systems that run wild while our little rider, the conscious mind, tries to rein it in. This takes a lot of mental training – and a lot of self-compassion.

So what to do when you’re crying like Niagra?

1. Allow it to happen. You obviously have a lot of pent up emotion inside. Some people scream and yell to release emotions; some people cry. Find a safe space and let yourself release. According to the Chopra Center, we need to feel the emotion with openness and acceptance, and allow it to flow through us.

2. Reach out for support. Women with close women friends live longer. Though we try to do it all on our own, we’re not wired for solo emoting. We’re social animals, which means that we need each other. Think about women in the days of the “Red Tent” – women supported each other through life. Call a friend, ask the Barista at your coffee shop for a hug or reach out to a coach. We all need people helping us to see what we cannot see and lifting us to the next level.

3. Hug yourself through it, as you would a small child. If your young child or niece approached you crying and afraid, what would you do? You probably wouldn’t belittle her, yell at her, or just tune her out. The last thing we need when crying is to beat ourselves up or go into denial (that’s when it builds to Niagra levels). We need love and self-care. Beyond the mani-pedi, we need to ask ourselves what we need (love, peace, serenity) and take 5 minutes to give that to ourselves. Today, a brilliant client said to me, “we only have a breakdown when something is familiar.” So love yourself and every part of you through it.4. Once you've allowed yourself to cry, you just need to shift. Get out of the house, go for a run, DO something else. Even if it feels impossible. Remember your purpose and take one step toward it. Force yourself. Doing gets us over paralysis and makes us feel productive, all leading to increasing positive emotions and healing!

April 15, 2013 By Carin Rockind 1 Comment

Stressed?? Take a Breath.

First, my heart is going out to all of those in Boston. With this, and all the other things America is experiencing as a nation, it is so easy to become overwhelmed. Tax day, financial crisis, news overload… Do you feel like the craziness of life is clogging your brain? The long to-do lists, the small details and the insanity of the news? In addition to the tragedy in Boston, here in the U.S, it’s tax day, we’re in the midst of financial crisis and gun debate.

We all have so much going on in our lives that our brains are on STRESS overload! And this isn’t healthy – or natural! Humans were only meant to experience stress for 30 seconds – enough to make a fight/flight survival decision. With the stress overload, we can't think clearly – even though that is what we need most in order to live a purposeful, healthy and happy life! We need brain clarity to remain focused on the beauty and opportunity all around us.

In this video, I describe what is happening to your brain under all this stress – and I explain how to work through the stress, anxiety and negativity so that you

can think clearly, live purposefully, and love life. (See this link for a super easy explanation of how your reptilian brain works.)

To make it through these tragic events with a clear head, follow these 3 easy steps to de-stress a bit:

1. Be Aware: In order to effectively work with it, you must recognize stress overload as it occurs. Too often, we become so engrossed in stressed that we are on autopilot! We begin to think that this is normal functioning. It isn’t. It’s causing an increase in poisonous hormones that are harmful to your brain and body. To become aware, you need to pay attention to your body during stress. Does your heart race? Are your shoulders tight? Is your brain full? Are you unable to concentrate? Know YOUR specific signs so that when you feel them, you know you’re on overload (and can do

step #2).

2. Breathe: When you realize that you are on stress overload, it’s time to breathe! As long as it’s safe to do so, stop whatever you’re doing and take a deep inhale in (4 counts, filling your lungs), and then a long exhale out (6 counts). Feel your shoulders relax and drop further into your exhale. Repeat. Inhale… and exhlale….

3. Find Beauty: Once in a relaxed state, find something of beauty to elongate the power of your breath. Whether a flower, a tree, a person, the sky or just a figment of your imagination (like your last beach vacation!), positivity ignites our frontal lobe, expanding our minds and capacity.

*For more tips on dealing with stress, consider talking with friends, family or a coach about your situation. Discussing our challenges and getting help in finding

solutions helps us live well and love life.

P.S.: In case you missed last week's “Words for Wednesday”, an inspiring way to get through Hump-Day, here's the latest PurposeGirl “pin” to remind us to be our best selves! Pin it toPinterest, share it on Facebook or Tweet it and you could win a mini-poster of it!

April 11, 2013 By Carin Rockind 1 Comment

Feeling Bleh? Do it Anyways!

Ever have an “off” day? You know, those days when you wake up and just want to stay in bed? You feel a bit down, a little sad, maybe even anxious… just OFF! Well, today was one of those days for me. At first, I fought it. I tried to be “happy” because I think that's what my clients want and need from me. But the more I tried to be happy, the worse I felt. So let's get REAL – we all feel down sometimes because we're HUMAN. Even “happiness” coaches feel crappy every once in awhile!

The question is: what do you do with your off days? Do you allow your head to spin into a downward spiral of negativity where you hate the world, yourself and life? Do you let your mood take over your day, keeping you from all that needs to get done? Or do you lean into the feeling with grace and persist through?

Today's Purpose-FULL Monday VLOG is about persisting through to purpose – even on the crappy days. It's a huge lesson to remember on Holocaust Memorial Day today! In the foundational work on life purpose, “Man's Search for Meaning,” Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, teaches us that when we have purpose, we can live through the toughest circumstances.

So how can you persist through the rough patches?
1. Be kind to yourself: One of the worst things we can do when feeling down is to make ourselves feel worse by beating ourselves up. Yet we all do it! We think a good beating will get us to “snap out of it!” Well if your 6 year-old niece cried to you that she didn't feel good, would you tell her to “shape up!”? Of course not! You'd hug her and tell her that it's okay to feel icky and that everything will get better. Do the same for yourself. Make some tea, hug a pillow and be gentle with your soul. You're human.
2. Remind yourself of your purpose. Whether you are here to care for children, empower women, or innovate technology, your actions matter. You are needed. This doesn't mean to stifle your icky feelings or “pretend” that they don't exist. It means that you don't let a crappy day deter you from your life's mission. Do what needs to get done – you'll be amazed by how good it feels to accomplish even the smallest of tasks.
3. Ask for support. We all need help. Why do you think teams have coaches and cheerleaders? We benefit from someone who is in our corner! Sometimes, we think we have to be “Superwomen” and “Supermen” who do it all on our own. That's unrealistic and it's not productive or supportive. By having a close friend, family member or coach support you through living your purpose, you'll have a team and success will multiply!

February 15, 2013 By Carin Rockind Leave a Comment

VDay's Over… Now What?? Love EVERY day…

So the box of chocolates is half-eaten and the roses are old news… Now what?? If you’re like most people, today was back to the regular routine and we’ll all wait 364 more days to celebrate love.

But why? Shouldn’t we celebrate love every day? Share and feel love in each moment? With everyone?

A decade ago, this would have seemed like a radical idea to me. When I was in college and then married, I LOVED Valentine’s Day because I thought it was for couples. The doorbell rang all day long at the sorority house with flower deliveries, and since I had a boyfriend, I felt a sigh of relief that one of them would be for me. But after I got divorced, it was a whole different story. I dreaded February 14. Would I have a date? Could I get a boyfriend by February? Maybe I could just date that guy until Valentine’s Day was over!?!

And then I discovered a new definition of love. Through volunteering, building deep friendships and learning about A Course in Miracles from Marianne Williamson, I learned that love is open-hearted warmth for all. Not the passionate love of the fairy tales and soap operas that I grew up on, but compassionate love for humanity. Love is being kind, open and tender – to everyone. We can love our neighbors, our friends – even strangers. And when we feel loving connection, we are happier, healthier and more fulfilled.

The good news is that all of us can have more love in our lives – every day. One of my favorite positive psychology researchers, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, teaches that love isn’t prolonged adoration (as I’d always thought), but rather, love is micro-moments of connection. Micro-moments. Of connection. This means that when I share a smile with someone on the subway, when I laugh with the grocery cashier, when I hug my sister, I’m increasing love in my life. So by giving love, I increase my capacity to receive love. And the cycle continues. As we build more love in our lives, individually and collectively, we heal. We flourish.

Here are 5 quick ways to expand love every day:

Give Gratitude: Write a short thank you note to your mom, friend, partner, postman or garbage collector thanking him or her for all they do!
Smile and Speak: When you pass by a neighbor on the street or check out at the store, look in the person’s eyes, smile and say “hello”. (It’s that simple!)
Hug with Heart: Research shows our skin needs touch and that hugs increase happiness. So hug someone (or 8 people) today and feel the joy.
Listen Intently: When a loved one shares a story, news or a challenge, actively listen. Ask questions, nod, offer support and encouragement.
Praise People: One of my favorite things to do is to tell another woman that I love her outfit. It always makes her smile. Try it and feel the love!

So on February 15 and April 27 and June 3 and – well, every day before, after and in between, let’s love like it’s Valentine’s Day. Let’s give, receive and share love with everyone! And then maybe next February 14, we’ll worry less about cupid and candy, and celebrate more connection and community.

Happy LOVE-DAYS!

Xoxo,

Carin