Do you ever say to yourself, “Who am I to do that?”
“I'm not qualified!”
“Who would want to listen to me?”
Let's face it: As women, we're in a Self-Doubt epidemic.
Last week in the PurposeGirls Facebook Group, I posted the question “What's the biggest thing holding you back from your big dreams?”
Answers started pouring in:
Fear of failure.
Fear of rejection.
Not feeling good enough.
Not trusting myself.
Feeling like I don't deserve it.
Wanting permission and approval from others.
Afraid of making a mistake.
The list went on and I'm sure you can relate. I can. The first time I had the inkling that I was born to empower women, my Fear Brain immediately shouted: “Who do you think you are? You're not Oprah! No one wants to listen to you! You don't know what you're doing. You don't know the first thing about having a business. You never follow through on dreams anyhow…”
With each criticism, my heart quickened, my belly hurt, my face flushed, my eyes saddened, and my shoulders sank. I decided it wasn't for me and went back to trying to fill the hole in my soul with bigger job titles, different relationships, shopping.
But the deeper voice – my SOUL VOICE – the one who whispered “Women need you..” “You're meant to do this..” never went away.
What I came to realize is that the only way overcome the self-doubt is to move through it.
To learn how to talk back to it.
To courageously take action EVEN WITH THE FEAR.
To create a “growth mindset” that learned to ask new questions like “How can I?” and “Who can teach me?”
The fact is, that we are in a Women's Self-Doubt Epidemic.
Ads and news articles scream at us all day long that we're not pretty enough so we need this eye cream. We're not young enough so we need this hair dye. We're not smart enough so we make less money than men.
One of my clients grew up without models of strong, successful black women – so deep down she internalized that she didn't deserve her desires.
One of my clients grew up learning that girls needed a man's approval – so deep down she internalized that she couldn't make decisions on her own.
One of my clients grew up being told to “tone down” her dancing, singing, and unicorn optimism – so deep down she internalized that she couldn't be herself.
What did you grow up learning about your own Power? What did you learn about your WORTH?
What did you learn about being the Bold, Beautiful, Brilliant, Badass, Brave, Sweet, Sacred, Sexy Woman who goes for her dreams, as you were born to do?
Let me clear all of that up for you now:
You are worthy.
You have value that the world needs.
You are more than enough. In fact, you're perfect because even your “flaws” and “messiness” have a message for others.
You don’t need anyone’s permission.
But if you do, you have mine.
Ask yourself “If I believed in myself fully, what would I do?” Then do it. Take one step.
Here's the deal:
If you don't go after your dreams, you will REGRET it and that will hurt 1000x more than the fear and insecurity hurt now.
And I won't allow you to have that regret. Not on my watch.
One of my coaching clients, “K,” came to me to get out of her industry. Even though she rose through the ranks, it didn't light her up. She dreaded work. So we honed in on her dream industry – Beauty and Fashion – and what she discovered was that she felt “silly” for wanting to go into it. Family members didn't get it – she had a great job, after all! But as we just completed her coaching package, she was on her way to her second interview with a MAJOR fashion house!! They wanted her for a BIGGER job than the one she applied for because she came off with such confidence and conviction!!!
As we completed our coaching package, I asked her what she got out of it and she said, “I have SO much more confidence now. I know my dreams aren't crazy. I believe in myself. I'm in my feminine. I've been networking and going out of my comfort zone. I feel SO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!!”
That's what's possible for all of us with commitment to our dream, clarity of why it matters, courage to put ourselves out there and confidence in our true, messy, perfectly imperfect unique selves.
Repeat after me: “Everyone has self-doubt. And I'm not gonna let it hold me back!” The key is that the ones who go for their dreams DON'T LET SELF-DOUBT HOLD THEM BACK! If you want to step out of being a Self-Doubt Statistic, here's how to follow your Dream:
1. Commit – Make it non-negotiable. That's what I did when I went to get my Masters degree in Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. It was $55,000 and I went on loans but the pain of NOT going ate me alive. I decided I was going.
2. Clarity – What is your big vision? Why do you want it? What's your message and mission? Who are you here to help? Get clear and the dream will follow because the more EXCITED you are about your vision and your capabilities to achieve it, the more contagious your energy will be!!!
3. Courage – You have to ask for what you want. I'll cover this more in my next newsletter, but the key here is to muster the courage you've used countless times in your life to overcome other obstacles and get out there and be visible.
4. Confidence – This doesn't mean believing you're the greatest thing since sliced bread 100% of the time. Rather, this means that you believe in yourself that even if you're rejected, even if you fail, even if people judge you and your partner doesn't get it, even then – you know that you can dust yourself off, be resilient, and get back up to try again! It's self-efficacy. You're confident enough to get help, to be resourceful.
K got there with my support. I get there with my coach's support. Who will support you?
So, here’s the bottom line: You are NOT a victim – not to money; not to life. You are the CREATRIX of your own life.
When women live their purpose… Kids will learn to live theirs. Communities will be served. More money will be generated. The world will heal and change by women stepping into their Purpose, Pleasure and Power!!
Let’s get you those dreams in 2020!! Let’s get you on the way!!!
I’m taking 2 new 1:1 coaching clients before baby comes. Want one of those spots? It's you and me creating your dreams, diving deep to shift the blocks and empowering you to take courageous action forward! Email me to chat about 1:1 coaching!
I’m also launching the PurposeGirl Dream Accelerator for a select group of highly motivated, heart-centered women ready to create or expand their Purpose-Based business and exponentially increase their impact and income!! I just released the application yesterday so you can now apply here today!
Let’s move you forward!!!
Here's to you and your Dreams!