Oh the brain is a kooky crazy thing!
I set aside the entire weekend to work on my book and then my animal instinct, fight/flight FEAR brain tried to stop me from working on it. Which brings me to your SPARK for the week: YOU CAN OVERCOME FEAR!
I have wanted to write a book forever. I remember sitting on the floor of Barnes & Noble CRYING when I was 28 because I had a book in me, but couldn't get it out. My brain made the sentences go round and round, my brain convinced me I had nothing important to say, my brain told me that getting a publisher would be too hard. And after ONE – just ONE – agent told me that the book I was working on wasn't “sellable,” I gave up. I just gave up and drowned myself in my own tears for years.
More than a decade later, I've promised that I would NOT let that happen again. And so I began this book. The book that I've talked about writing for years. The book that my heart has ached to publish since first discovering the magic of PURPOSE! The book I've never completed. I've made excuses, I've buried myself in other projects. But now… Now there is an agent interested… Now there is a publisher interested… And so I dedicated this whole weekend to be in my writing, organizing, purpose-serving BLISS!
Sounds awesome right?? Well not to my Fear brain. And so I began with morning meditation and journaling asking G-d to channel through me and felt so happy! Until…my computer wouldn't turn on – for an hour! And then my legs started itching, and my head began to ache, and tears began streaming down my face.
“You're stupid!” “See, you'll never write this book or any book!” “You suck!”
I wish I could say that some snotty, bully neighbor pelted these daggers at me… But they were my own internal voices. You know that nasty inner voice. You probably have one, too. What does your mean voice tell you? That you can't do it? That you're unlovable? That you don't deserve to spend money on yourself? That your dreams are “impractical?”
If I didn't know better, I'd just say that deep down, we're all harsh, nasty, bitches and bastards! But I do know better. This is the voice of our younger wounded selves, trying to keep us safe.
This is the voice of 7-year-old Little Carin who had to handle being the worst one on the soccer field. This is the voice of 10-year-old Carin who tried to keep me from feeling devastated when my group of friends decided they didn't like me anymore in fifth grade, and this is the voice of my 14-year-old who faced yet another student council rejection. This voice has been my BFF to keep me safe in a world full of rejection. This is simply, sweetly, the voice of fear trying to protect me. The same is true for you. That voice is Little You who was told somewhere at some time that you weren't good enough, or that you weren't wanted. That FEAR brain says, “If we are small, the tribe will still like us” or “If we are small, no one can hurt us and reject us.”
If this voice succeeds in keeping me from writing, then you – my readers, the agent, and the publisher can't reject me. She's trying to help!
And so, here is what I said to that voice: “Little Carin voice, I won't yell at you. I will hold you and tell you that even if the agent rejects us, there are others. Even if the publisher decides it doesn't want us, we can self-publish. Even if no one reads the book, I will have achieved a life-long goal by writing it.”
And then I felt more calm. More supported, more sweet, soft, and able to move forward. We are every age we have ever been! If your fears scream at you, hate on you, or berate you for not being good enough, recognize that they are just trying to keep you safe. Love them for they are the little you inside who created this voice at a time you needed it. And then get back to your purpose – your truth, your “why I'm serving the world” with your great gift, and GET BACK to it!
The world needs you living your purpose. And you need to live it to feel truly fulfilled.
And so I overcame my fear. Without a computer, I wrote down every concept, I organized the content, I structured each chapter, and I began my outline. WOOHOO!! It FEELS SO GOOD TO OVERCOME FEAR! No more fear – just me and my truth. Me and my purpose. On a mission to help you live yours.
And so, what nastiness is your brain telling you about a dream? How old is that fear brain? How is he/she trying to keep you safe? Love that little one inside and move on because YOU can overcome fear!
ps – On Friday, I officially announced Purpose in Paris – the transformational adventure of a lifetime! Join me and other love-hearted souls in the most beautiful, most inspiring city in the world to embrace your true essence, express your true joy, and become empowered to live fully. Several of you have emailed me already about it – this trip is going to amazing! Join me! Click here for more info and/or email me to talk about the trip and we will chat. If your fear is trying to stop you, let's talk and we will figure out how to overcome those fears and make this experience POSSIBLE for you! xoxoxo
Leave a Reply