Welcome to the third in this series: 5 Keys to Happiness {AKA What I Learned on My Summer Vacation}. My goal for this series is for us all to be “vacation-happy” in everyday life. (Read why I started the series here.) Key #1 was Live FREEDOM (read it here) and Key #2: SAVOR (read it here), which leads me to Key #3: CHERISH the people you love.
Confession: Sometimes, I take the people in my life for granted. I don’t mean to, but the days pass by, I forget to call back, or even with the people in my home, I forget to just BE with them.
Please tell me I’m not alone here. That sometimes you too let the stuff of life interfere with living and loving fully? There’s just so much to do and our conversations become tasks: Who’s picking up the dry cleaning? Did we cancel the mail? Why isn’t your room clean? And since Josh and I work together, sometimes we’re all business all the time. This weekend, we were out for a romantic lunch when I remembered a client email that needed to be sent out. (I’m cringing just writing that.) And perhaps worse, at least once last week I caught myself checking email while he was talking to me. (Ugh.)
It’s not who I want to be. I see myself as a present, loving woman. On vacation, I am. When I’m with Josh, I’m WITH him. I ask him
about his dreams. I listen to his breath. I take time to really hear him. Every curve of his body and being enchants me. On vacation, there’s nowhere I’d rather be than next to him, laughing. On vacation, I cherish him.
It feels good to be loving, caring, and present, doesn’t it? We need deep, loving, connected relationships to be truly happy in life. Research is really clear about this. Hundreds of studies prove that relationships are a key to happiness. For example, a 75-year long study of two groups of men (Harvard grads and teenage boys from inner city Boston) showed that men from both groups who were close to family, friends and the community reported being happier, healthier and lived longer than their lonely counterparts. Put simply, as the late co-founder of positive psychology, Dr. Chris Peterson said, Other People Matter.
It makes sense. You don’t need a study to prove this to you, and yet most of us forget to really CHERISH our loved ones on a day-to-day basis.
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, cherish means:
- : to hold dear : feel or show affection for <cherished her friends> b : to keep or cultivate with care and affection : nurture <cherishes his marriage>
- : to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely <still cherishes that memory>
This vacation drove this point home for me. After our trip to Mackinac, we joined my extended family at my nephew’s Bar Mitzvah. As I watched my nephew read from the Torah, I remembered the Passover dinner when he was potty training and running around without a diaper. At the party, I got down with my siblings. I marveled at my cousins’ children who had grown into beautiful young adults since the last time I had seen them. All weekend long, I held on to my mother and father and sister.
What if we could cherish our loved ones every day? What would that look like?
Take a moment and check in with yourself, lovingly and without judgement. Ask:
Have I been fully present for my family this week?
Have I listened to the people I love and shown them that I hear them?
Have I freely, unconditionally, given affection to the people I love?
If you’re like me (and most people), you get busy in your life. By the time you remember to call a friend, it’s bedtime. You’re exhausted after a long day so you snap at your kid when he shows you his artwork from camp. Your constant nagging mind-chatter won’t shut off so you miss a soft “I love you.” You’re tired and don’t feel like having sex with your partner so you opt out of connection altogether.
And let’s face it, deep down, we’re afraid to connect. We’re afraid that if they really see us in our messy panic and fear and uncertainty, they won’t love us anymore. We're afraid that if we show our weakness, we won’t love ourselves anymore. And so we create a self-fulfilling prophecy to cut off the very thing that we yearn for most: deep, loving connection.
Me too. The fact is that most of us are running on a treadmill of life, afraid we won’t catch up. When if we just realized that by stepping off the treadmill to be with people we love, we’d win this game called life.
Humans are social animals. We’re wired for connection. Because of evolution, we yearn to belong. We need to be loved.
So here is our opportunity. Let’s all make a commitment to be more conscious this week, to cherish, to connect. Here are a few ways:
- Pencil in a call to a lifelong friend this week
- Set a date with your partner and make arrangements
- Plan a date with your child – just the two of you, no phone
- Tonight, turn off the phone when you get home and don’t turn it on again until tomorrow morning
Believe it or not, I’m off on vacation again right now, this time I'm headed to the beach with Josh and his family. I commit to beginning each day with loving kindness meditation, bringing each of them into my heart and setting a daily intention for connection. I commit to set a date for us to take a long walk just the two of us. I commit to play a game with my stepson.
How will you cherish the people you love this week?
With so much love,
Carin
PS – Goddess Girls Weekend South Beach is SOLD OUT! If you have been yearning to let loose, dive deep into your truth, awaken your inner soul spark, and ignite your dreams while in deep connection with other fabulous heart-centered brilliant women, check out Soul Spark in Sonoma! Imagine 4 days and 3 nights of luxury in wine country with a pool, jacuzzi and Goddess awakening exercises… I haven't even publicized it yet, and it is half sold. Make sure to check this out and join us!!!
PPS – Want to learn the Science of Happiness? I will be teaching a 6-month Positive Psychology Certification in Miami this Fall and Winter. 7 weekends over 6 months with a group of like-hearted, brilliant people who all want to make a difference in the world. You don't have to live in Florida – you can fly in every month like I am. This program is AMAZING. More info coming soon, but in the meantime, click here!
PPPS – Want more positivity? I love hearing from you! Share how you're incorporating the tools on my blog or Facebook page so that we can learn from each other.
PPPPS – Share the love! If you like this series, share it! Invite a friend to get these tips by sending them this link. Thanks for sharing the love!
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