5 Keys To Happiness: AKA What I Learned on My Summer Vacation. As you know, a couple of weeks ago, I was on vacation feeling free and happy – and a bit dreading coming home. So I got thinking about how to be “vacation happy” in life. Last week, I launched the series (click here to read it) and shared Happiness Key #1: Live Freedom! (click here to read it.)
Which brings me to Happiness Key #2: SAVOR.
From the moment Josh and I stepped onto Mackinac Island for vacation, our senses went crazy with yumminess. The air smells of fresh, misty water, mixed with rich chocolate fudge and buttery popcorn. The shops are adorned in pink and yellow and blue awnings, and elegant horses lead vacationers through the streets on nostalgic red carriages. We rented bikes and marveled at every sight along our 8-mile ride – the bright purple flowers that grew amidst rocks, the carefully erected cairns that withstood the wind, the moon that peeked out over the Great Lakes. We stopped to hike a passage. We paused to build our own cairns. We sat just because.
We appreciated everything. We were present. We savored each moment.
Have you ever noticed that? When you’re on vacation, time slows down, your eyes are clear, and you notice e-ver-y-thing. On vacation, you pause. You appreciate. You SAVOR. This is what it is to live in the moment. Or perhaps I should just say: This is what it is to LIVE.
LIVING is feeling the wind in your hair and laughing as it gets all tangled up in your mouth.
LIVING is tasting the sweet juice of a ripe summer peach as it drizzles down your chin.
LIVING is lingering in bed with your lover for a few extra stolen moments of soft kisses regardless of the time.
In every day life, we’re so busy running from appointment, to carpool, to a meeting, to the store, to the recital, and up again the next day to do it all over again, that we usually miss the unplanned joy within the experiences. A couple of years ago, I was speaking about this at a professional women's conference, when an attendee raised her hand. “I was bathing my child last night,” she said, “and was looking at my blackberry the whole time.”
My heart went out to her. I’ve done it too. I’m guessing you have as well.
We’re running so fast and furious that we’re missing out on our lives. No wonder we’re all drained and exhausted. We repeat this pattern day after day, month after month, until you look back 5 years later, depleted, lost, feeling like this life is not your own, and afraid that you’ll never find happiness again.
This happened to me when I started my business. Yes, I love my work, but in the beginning years, I forgot to savor it. I had just graduated $20,000 in debt, and I was moving into my $2000 a month, 200 square foot apartment in New York City. I was hungry for success and excited. On my second date with Josh, I told him my plan. I was going to teach college, be on the radio, write a book, speak at global companies, have a full roster of coaching clients, and take women on retreats. He said, “Is that your 5 year plan?” It was my one-year plan. And then I worked tirelessly to make it happen, until I ended up with pneumonia, a 102 fever, laying in bed scratching at the computer keys while desperately trying to complete my book proposal for a contest I was entering. I wish I could say that I learned my lesson, but I won that contest (you can check it out here if you'd like) and it affirmed my pace. So I worked harder. I 
got my gig on SiriusXM WakeUp with Taylor, I was writing for a Dr. Oz e-Magazine (link), I picked up an agent, held my first webinars, got married, became a stepmom, moved to Philly and launched 3 new group programs – all in one year. I was exhausted, my eyes sagged, but desperate and clawing to keep up. (Yikes – a pic of me at my worst.)
And then I had my miscarriage. The air became thick. Sound ceased. My heart raced. A haze surrounded me where I couldn’t see or hear or feel anything. At first, I tried the only response I knew – keep doing, keep going, but I literally fell to my knees in a panic attack in our living room.
My body forced me to finally learn this lesson that I am writing to you today:
Slow down.
Pause.
Take a deep breath.
Savor.
Savoring is intentionally elongating your positive experiences and emotions in order to increase their intensity, duration and impact. Imagine taking a piece of taffy and stretching it out wide and yummy. That’s what you’re doing with savoring – you’re taking a positive emotion like wonder, excitement, joy, or serenity and making it last. This is so important for your well-being – mind, body and spirit. In research studies, positive emotions have been shown to heighten your awareness, broaden your thinking, improve relationships, and mitigate that nasty downward spiral of negativity that all of our brains do.
When you stop to enjoy and savor, you feel ALIVE.
You may think you’re not going to be good at savoring, but you will be. Most of us ruminate (or elongate) the bad – you vent about your mother-in-law, you write a nasty letter to an ex, you share your worries about your daughter’s future with your husband. That’s the same idea as savoring – it’s elongating an experience or emotion. Savoring is doing the same in the positive. Tell a friend in great detail about the yummy tea you had, anticipate the fun you’ll have at the park this weekend, look through old photos of your family laughing. All of these are ways to savor – or expand – the positive feeling.
To savor, though, you must first slow down, pause, and appreciate what is. You can do this right now. Pause. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Slowly notice the beauty around you. What colors do you see? What sounds do you hear? What scents do you notice? What sensations are you experiencing?
This has been a huge shift for me this year. Every year, I take on a “word” for the year. Last year, it was “Expansive,” and it was. This year, my word is “Be,” and I am.
I began studying the divine feminine to learn how to be powerful from my inner core, rather than form outer actions. I committed to nearly daily meditation and stretching, weekly therapy, and monthly massage. I now lead my clients in guided meditations and have learned how to surrender. I spend the first half hour of my day just being – sipping coffee, watching birds fly, journaling. In this open mindset, I see more, I love more, and I stop to appreciate everything.
Here’s how you can savor, too:
- Slow down: This may seem impossible, but it isn’t. We all find time to do the things we want, like Facebook, a TV show, or complaining about your boss, so you can find 5 minutes to practice slowing down. Either set an alarm on your phone to go off at a certain time that reminds you to pause and notice, or do it when you first wake up. The more you do it, the more it will become natural for you. As a special gift, I’ve recorded this meditation for you. It’s just 9 minutes long and will help you slow down and enjoy the neural, physical and mental benefits of mindfulness.
- Notice: Take note of what goodness you see, hear, taste, smell, or feel. Actually stop to smell the roses, spend an extra moment noticing a blossoming hydrangea, keep your ice cream on your tongue for an extra moment. Be sure to take in the details.
- Elongate: Expand your experience by sharing it. Tell a friend about it, write it down in a journal, ask the person you’re with to describe their good feelings. You can savor the past (like looking at old photos and retelling funny stories), you can savor the present (talking about what you’re seeing), or you can savor the future (getting excited about the family BBQ.)
You can enjoy your life more. You can be engaged and present. You can feel fully ALIVE. So love, how will you SAVOR LIFE today?
With so much love,
Carin
Again, here is the Free Guided Meditation I've recorded for you. May it bring you peace. {Click here to download the Meditation).
PS – Share the love! If you like this series, share it! Invite a friend to get these tips by sending them this link. Thanks for sharing the love!
PPS – Goddess Girls Weekend in South Beach is one month away! Join me and Taylor Strecker in the VERSACE MANSION for a soul spark, heart-fulfilling, fabulous weekend, August 5 – 7. (Click here for info and to join us!)
PPPS – Want to learn the Science of Happiness? I will be teaching a 6-month Positive Psychology Certification in Miami this Fall and Winter. 7 weekends over 6 months with a group of like-hearted, brilliant people who all want to make a difference in the world. You don't have to live in Florida – you can fly in every month like I am. This program is AMAZING. More info coming soon, but in the meantime, click here!
PPPPS – Want more positivity? I love hearing from you! Share how you're incorporating the tools on my blog or Facebook page so that we can learn from each other.
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