I just finished doing a workshop for AAA and it got me thinking… What makes you happy? Really, REALLY happy?

Like warm-fuzzy-in-your-heart-happy or jump-up-and-down-in-excitement-happy… or deep-in-your-soul-fulfilled-happy?

And now, get super honest with yourself – how often are you doing these things?

A client – we'll call her “Heather” – came to me depressed and wanting purpose. I asked her these simple questions to get started. “I love hiking and singing, but I can't hike because I have no one to hike with. I can't sing because I don't belong to a church.” Someone today told me that she loves cooking and writing, but doesn't have time to start her blog. In my F*Midlife Club, one woman has wanted to start doing yoga, but said she didn't have time with the kids. Another has always wanted to have a business, but has been afraid to start.

What are you not making time for? What are you making excuses about? Why are you holding yourself back from happiness?

If you're like most people, you feel guilty taking time off of family or work. Or you feel undeserving when you have so many responsibilities. Or you're afraid to fail.

I get it. It's so normal… and you can change.

A couple of years ago, I was speaking at a women's law conference about this very thing when a woman in the front row started tearing up and raised her hand. “I was bathing my daughter the other night,” she explained, “and staring at my phone the whole time.”

My heart broke. The room fell silent. Each of us knew exactly how she felt because we've all done it too.

But this season, I'm trying to do it differently. I'm taking my own medicine and forcing myself to do, say, and savor what makes me happy. I'm calling it #25DaysofHAPPY and every day I'm posting what makes me happy on Facebook.

Guess what? It's working! (Duh.) Forcing myself to make time for happy is making me happier. And pausing to savor and share it is making me even happier. 🙂

I know this may seem simplistic, but sometimes we need the reminder. As one woman said to me at the end of the workshop today, “I knew half of what you said, but I'm not DOING it.”

Here are a few things so far…. One thing that makes me over-the-moon-excited is speaking and I got to do that today – thank you AAA! PLUS, as I shared with you last week, I moved past my excuses and did a segment for TV (read the blog here)! It aired on Sunday and you can watch it HERE! And finally, I've felt lonely in our new neighborhood, for months I thought of hosting a block party, and I finally did it on Sunday! We threw it together in 4 days – I mean, how hard is wine and cheese? About 50 people came! So fun.

So what will you DO this week to make yourself HAPPY?

XO,
Carin

PS – If you don't know what makes you happy and need help, email me. We'll set up a 30 minute discovery call to explore and see how you can move forward!

PPS – If you're for big change to make your happiness happen, there are a few spots left in my my proven 4 month Sisterhood and Coaching Program, EMPOWERED. You will gain clarity on who you are and what you want. You will identify your heart's desires and take action on them. You will finally shed the old layers of guilt, shame and fear that have held you back. And you'll do it all in Sisterhood – the best way to ensure that you move forward on your dreams! Join us!! Email me for more info, or click here to join us now. Payment plans that make this around $250/month are available. Only a few spots left! XOX

I'm SO SO SO excited to email you! I just finished taping a segment for Philly's NBC station and I have to tell you HOW it happened so you can make your dreams happen too!

Being on TV has been a dream of mine for a long time. I have a little sticky note in my closet that says “I love being a TV Talk Show host.” Every time I walk by the set of Good Morning America, I envision myself inside joking with Robin Roberts while we have our make-up touched up. Truth be told – I ALREADY have my dress for the Emmy's! (Yep – I'll save that for another newsletter.)

The point is that inspiring millions on TV has been my dream for a LONG time.

But what have I DONE about it? Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I drive by the local stations and think, “Oh I need to email them.” Then my brain says:

• “Marty Seligman (the FOUNDER of Positive Psychology) lives in Philly. If they want happiness tips, they'll contact him.”
• “All of your professors live here. They're more expert than you.”
• “You're a nobody. You don't even have your book done yet.”

And then I slouch in my seat, feel super small, like I'm 10 years old again, and end up feeling shitty about myself until I'm so depressed that I think, “See you're depressed. For sure TV stations don't want YOU, Loser!”

I know I'm not alone. I know your brain holds you back too. What does your brain say to you when you want something special? Does it call you names? Does it tell you that you're arrogant for wanting more than you already have? Does it say that you can't afford it? You don't have time for it? You're selfish? Irresponsible?

Good news, That's all BS. Your brain created these stories – these lies – to keep you small and safe in your household, church, synagogue, school, or first marriage. That part of your brain is built on an old identity that doesn't want you upsetting others or being left out – all good when you're 12.

However, not good at 35 or 53. Now, that brain chatter is just lying. Now, it holds you back from doing something you really, really want.

Was it true that NBC didn't want me? Nope. Driven by the momentum of brave women doing amazing things in the F*Midlife Club, I woke up on Tuesday and said to myself, “Go email those TV stations NOW.” And would you believe that by noon, a producer at NBC emailed me that they had a spot TODAY??!!! She knew about my professors, but she wanted ME!

And to make the whole thing even better – as soon as my 8 minute segment wrapped, the producer jumped out and said, “You were SO good! WE HAVE TO HAVE YOU BACK!!! We should have had you on for the WHOLE show!” 🙂

See, if I had let the lying mind chatter stop me, this wouldn't have happened and I'd still be wallowing in pitiful “woe is me, I'll never make my dreams happen” land.

Same is true for you.

• Is it true that you're irresponsible for wanting a new job? No. It's responsible to do something that lights you up and inspires your kids to do the same!
• Is it true that you don't have money for what you want? No. Doing something brave, inspiring and fun will give you confidence and help you shine so that you start asking for raises or getting other jobs.
• Is it true that you can't start a business, find love, take an hour for yourself to do yoga, write a book, ask for a raise, go on vacation, join a program, etc, etc? NO.

Doing what your heart and soul yearn for will make you feel COURAGEOUS, STRONG, and AWESOME about yourself, and will therefore ENHANCE your life.
Not doing what your soul yearns for will make you feel small, defeated, depressed, and less than. Always.

As one of my favorite authors, Marianne Williamson, says, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you.”

So stop being a martyr. Stop being afraid others will think you're arrogant. That's THEIR shit. Stop depriving yourself of your dreams. Stop hiding. You were meant to be BIG and BRILLIANT and BRIGHT – or else… why were you born?

You were born to be EMPOWERED. Your time is now. Join me in this revolution to RECLAIM OUR POWER and SHINE BRIGHTLY!

So what ACTION will you take toward your dreams today?

XO,
Carin

I'm about to make my turkey but had to email you. First of all, I love you. I love you, love you, love you. THANK YOU for reading my words, following my work, and allowing me to empower you. I am SO, SO GRATEFUL for you!

Second, I have a confession… I haven't felt very grateful lately. Maybe you've felt the same. But today, I'm reclaiming Gratitude. My Power. I hope you'll join me.

I told you on Tuesday that I've felt hurt (read it here). Bitter even. After lots of journaling and self-reflection this week, I realize that this has become a pattern. (Yuck)

-I've been bitter about the election instead of grateful that I live in a country where I get to vote.
-I've been bitter about my in-laws not wanting to stay for Thanksgiving weekend instead of being grateful that they are coming at all.
-I've been bitter about plans with friends changing instead of being grateful that I have such amazing friends!
-I've been bitter about living in Philadelphia instead of being grateful for my beautiful home and community here.
And the list could go on…

I'm sure I'm not alone. I've seen a lot of complaining, anger, bitterness and fear lately. I don't blame you one bit. I'm just realizing how it's impacting my well-being. How it's killing my joy. How it's hurting my life. My anxiety has been sky-high and, I won't allow that any more!

When you focus on what's wrong instead of what's right, you GIVE AWAY your power. You're choosing to be the victim, instead of BEING an EMPOWERED woman.

And love, YOU ARE AN EMPOWERED woman.

So, today, this all stops. Today, I begin to focus on Gratitude. I used to write down 3 things I was grateful for every day. Research shows that doing this for a month has lasting impact on your happiness for up to 6 months. PLUS, gratitude tells your brain that you want more. So the more you're grateful, the more good you get!

I give this assignment to clients but haven't been doing it. Today, I begin again. Sometimes you have to fall off the wagon to realize how much you need that habit! Beginning today, I'll post one thing on my Facebook group that I feel grateful for. If you feel so inclined, join me. Click this link to join the Facebook group and let's get our gratitude going.

Again, thank you so much for being part of my community. I love you so, so much, and I'm so grateful that you allow me to live my purpose on earth. May you have a happy Thanksgiving.

With so much love,
Carin

This week of Thanksgiving, I'm reigniting HOPE. The last two weeks have been hard for me. I felt my heart rip into a million tiny little pieces. I struggled with anger and even hatred, and I felt powerless. Alone. Hopeless.

This scared me. I pride myself on being a beacon of HOPE. I cry at the end of Hallmark commercials. I hug Uber drivers. I actually stop to smell roses!

Feeling hopeless feels like dying. Maybe you get this. Maybe you've lost hope in love. Or in your child's future. Or in your dreams ever coming to fruition.

When you lose hope, you allow your vision, your dreams, your ideals to die.

We can't let that happen! I won't let that happen – for you, for me, for all of us. Not on my watch. HOPE is the answer to fueling your JOY, your PURPOSE, and your happiest LIFE.

In graduate school, a brilliant doctor, Dr. Chris Feudtner, of the palliative care unit of UPenn's Children's Hospital came to speak to us. He has the awful job of telling parents that their child has a terminal illness. After he shares the horrible news, he asks, “In light of this, what are you hoping for?” Naturally, every parents says, “For my child to live.” He nods with understanding and compassion. Then he says, “And if we can't do that, what else are you hoping for?” This leads parents to ask the Make-A-Wish foundation to send their child to Disney World, or for the child to be comfortable at home.

Put simply, HOPE allows you to take back control! Hope makes you BELIEVE. Hope gives you the POWER.

And that's why I love hope. HOPE SETS INTENTION. And intention create action.

Hope ignites a spark that leads to a burning flame. When you have hope, your brain naturally begins thinking of strategies to achieve what you want, and your heart becomes excited and motivated to make it happen.

You may not get the exact thing what you want, for you aren't in control of other people- my candidate lost the election; your marriage may not work out; your boss may give the promotion to someone else. But, you can ALWAYS have the essence of what you want. You can create something better than you imagined. You can have peace, joy, and purpose, and in that, is freedom.

Here's how it works: As an example, if you want your marriage to be better – what does “better” mean (more intimacy, a friendship, shared responsibility?) Your answer is what you're hoping for. Such as “I'm hoping for more intimacy”. Now let your brain ask, “How can I make that happen? What are the possibilities?” You may find that you can't have what you need in THIS marriage, but your hope can ignite the flame to receive it in your next relationship. See what I mean? Hope creates motivation and energy to take EMPOWERED action.

So what is in your control? What are you hoping for?

Here's what I'm hoping for next year:

• I'm hoping to inspire and EMPOWER 1 million women next year.
• I'm hoping to complete my book proposal in 2017.
• I'm hoping to become a mom in 2017.
• I'm hoping to spread love, power, and wild woman energy worldwide.

So as you go into Thanksgiving week this year, in addition to gratitude, give yourself a big heaping helping of HOPE, knowing that it will lead you to being the EMPOWERED woman you were born to be.

With so much love,
Carin

PS – Last week, I announced that my most transformative coaching program, EMPOWERED launches on January 1. This 4-month group program teaches you how to take back control of your life. By the end of our journey, you will be clear on what you want, you will have shed the fear holding you back, and you will have a plan to move forward. To give you personal attention, there are only 6 remaining slots. If you're ready to take control of your life, is one of these 6 women YOU? {Click here for information for EMPOWERED}

I'm just back from my SoulSpark retreat in Sonoma and flew in today to vote. I know – you may not want to hear from me about voting. Not to worry – I won't tell you who to vote for. But after crying in the voting booth, so proud of my choice, AND that we GET to speak our VOICE in this country, I had to share something with you.

My love, you have a voice. In this election, yes. And, in your whole life.

What is it that you need to say? To your husband? To your boss? To your kids? To your dreams?

Too many women hold back their voices out of fear. You think: Maybe no one will like me if I share my truth. Maybe my boss won't include me if I voice my opinion. Maybe I will be rejected, ostracized, made fun of, belittled, bullied, or betrayed if I speak up.

All of these are possible. And yet when you don't speak up, you betray yourself.

You end up feeling small. You become sad and a shadow of your old self. And then it's so hard to break that cycle.

I get it. Just last week, I blogged how I've hid my wild, sexual, sensual side because of shame and fear.

Similarly, for months with this election, I held back my views. I was afraid that if I shared my view, I'd lose followers and clients. But holding back only made me feel diminished, because I feel PASSIONATELY about this election. Hiding out of fear isn't the answer. I realized that if I don't speak my voice, I'm not the EMPOWERMENT coach you deserve.

Empowerment is all about you standing in your power. And me doing the same. And even if we don't agree, we respect each other for being truthful and passionate.

The same is true in your life. If you've wanted to voice your desire for a new career, speak it. If you've needed tell your husband that you're unhappy, voice it.

You will never get what you want and need by staying silent. You will never be happy by staying silent. You will never fulfill your dreams if you stay silent.

My love, speaking your truth is the path to freedom.

I taped this video to support you in speaking your truth. In honor of Susan B. Anthony and every brave, bold, beautiful woman who has come before us and made it so that we CAN vote, I speak up for her.

Here's to us all doing the same!

XO,
Carin