A woman contacted me a few years ago: “I would love to pursue my own business. But that would not even be possible for me.” She then said that she would love to join me on a retreat.
But… she then listed all the reasons why she couldn't.
So I paused for a moment and said, “Why do you accept the crumbs in life?”
You could hear her brain churning.
We’ve been taught as girls to accept the crumbs.
Did you know that in the US, the Equal Rights Amendment – for women to have equal rights – was never added to the Constitution?
That omission says so much to our little girls.
A client recently shared with me, “When I was a little girl, all the men would have a conversation in one room talking about intellectual ideas and politics. And all the women were in the kitchen cleaning and gossiping about the world and the family friends. The boys were allowed to go and play tennis and golf, but the girls weren't. And then when I was in school, the boys got called on in graduate school more than the girls did.”
She had all of these examples, where she saw girls and women not having as much opportunity.
And once in Corporate, she made $60,000 less than her male counterpart where she worked. She went to her boss and asked why. He gave her a $60,000 raise.
FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS
Another one of my clients had an example where she didn't even ask for a raise. The company had gone through a big HR performance evaluation review. Then one day, her boss walked in and told her that they were giving her an $80,000 raise but not to ask why.
She immediately knew the reason was that her male counterparts were making more.
This is not about man-hating. I have a son, and I want him to be as successful as he can be. I just also want the girls in his classes to have the exact same equal opportunities.
The same with people of color. I want you to have equal opportunity as me with white skin. I just want us all to be equal.
But not seeing equality, we begin to feel that we are worth less.
And that’s why we accept crumbs.
YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, JOY, LOVE – ALL OF IT
But we are inherently worthy. No matter what.
You get to shift from settling for the crumbs. You get to have the whole darn cake.
A survey of more than 3000 adolescent girls showed that 7 out of 10 of them believed that they were not good enough, that they were not measuring up in terms of their looks and appearance, in terms of how smart they were and their academic performance, and in terms of their personal relationships.
That same study showed that 75% of the girls with low self-esteem had engaged in activities like eating disorders, cutting, bullying, smoking, and drinking. These are adolescents.
So is it any wonder then that as women, we accept only the crumbs?
I want you to ask yourself: Where are you accepting crumbs in life?
Be honest. Look yourself in the mirror when nobody's around.
Sometimes I struggle with it. I recently bought a Louis Vuitton bag. I have coveted this bag for 10 years. I wanted it so badly. It started because I was in an airport and I saw a woman with this really cute bag and I wanted it. I would keep seeing that bag at the airport and I finally realized it was a Louis Vuitton bag. And then I said to myself, “Oh, then it's not for me.” I just made a declaration: That bag is not for me. Even though I had no idea what it cost. But because it was a luxury brand, my brain said I can't have that.
I did some deep work around it, and I realized that there was still a part of me that said, “I'm not worthy of being treated like a Queen.” I would tell myself that I don't need that bag! It’s RIDICULOUS!
It’s one thing if I couldn’t afford it, but I’ve worked hard to create my Purpose life so that I can. The problem was telling myself that I wasn’t WORTHY of what I wanted.
So when I planned The Women's Day Event – the world's largest Women's Day event for 2500 women, 25 speakers, and 12 hours of free content I decided I do deserve that bag. I did so much good!
But notice how I told myself that I was worthy because I DID something??
That’s a lack mentality. It’s still crumbs.
SAYING YES TO YOURSELF
Once I noticed it, I learned and shifted.
I used to think, “Maybe I shouldn’t go on a retreat or hire a coach because I should save that money for my son.”
Now I realize – I AM MY OWN BEST INVESTMENT.
When I’m lit up, I light up the world.
When I’m full and feel luscious, I’m so much more patient and giving with my family and clients.
When I feel abundant, I’m more generous with the world.
But when I’m in lack, I’m judgmental and short tempered.
When I eat only crumbs, I’m hangry and resentful!
And research proves that our emotions flow over to our kids and the rest of our life. This is why we know: When Mama’s happy, everyone is!
The more I fill up, the more I have to give from a place of JOY.
So accepting crumbs is actually the WORST thing for my family.
Treating yourself like a Queen is the BEST thing for them.
And for you.
Every time I invest in myself and give myself the whole damn cake (figuratively) I expand tenfold. I’m more creative and come up with new ideas for my business and the world. I sell more. I make more. I reach out to friends more and build more love. I act more loving to my husband. I expand and so does my world.
What would “the whole cake” look like to you? What have you been craving but saying no to? Travel? A new bag? A side hustle business? A retreat?
Goddess Getaway Italy is now open but half full, so spots are limited! Some women have told me they can’t afford it, but I've seen so often that it's not really that someone can't afford it because you could make payment plans and everything else. But maybe they don't think that they're worthy of spending on themselves.
Shift your own worthiness.
Because ultimately, the way you treat yourself is how your children will treat themselves or how your friends will treat themselves.
We inspire each other, we take each other higher. Sister, what this comes down to is, that instead of accepting crumbs, instead of feeling like you're not good enough, you get to eat the whole cake. You get to have everyone watch you eat it. You get to be under the lights and shine and under the stars.
You are worth it! My Goddess Getaways helps you claim your worthiness – you will heal, you will release old patterns of unworthiness, you will own your power and you will transform into your highest, biggest self.
Right now the doors are open to our Italy retreat August 21-25, where we will expand through all of our senses in our private Villa in Tuscany with our private pool and private chef. I will take you through deep exercises and you will find the best, most loving Sisterhood cheering you on. Plus, we will have so much fun with our cooking class and seeing ancient Tuscan towns and more!! Click here for info: www.CarinRockind.com/Italy
And soon we'll be opening our doors for Goddess Getaway Miami at the Versace Mansion! If you want to get on the early bird list for Miami, message the team at firstname.lastname@example.org.