For every one of you who has felt not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not popular enough, not sexy enough…Or were told that you were TOO much…too loud, too demanding, too hairy, too naive, too sensitive.
Or like me, all of the above…
Allow this to sink in deep into every cell of your body: You. Are. Enough. You Are. Good. You. Are. Beautiful. As is. You don't need to be “better” or “do more” or “have more” or “lose weight” or “achieve” to be worthy and wonderful.
Yes, have dreams… Just don't base your worth on achieving them. Base your worth on the kindness of your heart, the spirit of your soul, and the light you shine from your Be-ing. Celebrate the moment as you walk your path forward.
Unfortunately, most of us – myself included – walk around feeling ashamed, less-than, judging ourselves and others, in a constant battle with our minds. We WANT to be happy. We WANT to be at peace. We now have to allow ourselves to have it.
The past few weeks have been a huge awakening for me. A couple of months ago, I found myself desperate to be part of a group of women who were doing “BIG” things in the world. They seemed to have “big” Facebook followings or published books or $500,000 annual income. I became obsessed with them, judging myself as “less than” and judging them as “snobby and materialistic” – when really all I wanted was to be OK. The comparison became so toxic that I began having anxiety attacks. My recovering-perfectionist brain said “If I were good, I'd be bigger.” “I suck.”
When I was a child, my parents told me I was perfect. They made sure to tell me I was smart, I was pretty, and I was lovable. They did a good job with my self-esteem until, in fourth grade, I switched schools, and for the first time felt less-than. The other girls wore Guess jeans and went to fancy dance schools with “Miss Barbara” or “Miss Annette.” I danced at the community center.
Since then, I've been comparing myself to others as better – or worse – than me. (Ugh.) After years of helping hundreds of women be happier, I can tell you 100% that the belief that you're not “____enough” is the only thing holding you back.
But I don't blame you for thinking this way. Or for the guilt you may feel because you think you shouldn't feel this way. It's not your fault. We were all told, “You can do anything!” “You can have it all!”… and then with a sly smile, someone added “as long as you're smarter, dumber, prettier, thinner, quieter, stronger, sexier, louder, more extroverted, more introverted, less demanding, or a guy.”
Be you… but different.
Like the good survival mechanisms they are, our brains took note! Now, our brains torture us with messages to be better and do more, with the hope that if they can just yell at us loudly enough, maybe we'll be loved.
Enough is enough. Your feelings are VALID. Your fears are NORMAL. Your shame is UNDERSTANDABLE. Love the younger you who created these patterns to survive. Then, give her a break. She's done her job. Now you get to choose a new way.
Love YOURSELF now. Even if the other soccer moms don't invite you. Even if your mom doesn't get you. Love YOURSELF now as is. Even if you want to lose 10 lb. Even if you wish you could speak up. Even if you are getting a chin wax later, or haven't yet achieved the great dream inside. Love your tender heart that is afraid, love your spirited soul that yearns for freedom, love your body that walks and talks and hugs your children.
Instead of “wanting to lose 10 lbs” – Love your body enough to feed it nourishing, healthy food. Instead of “hating yourself for not following your dreams” – Love your spirit so much that you allow it to take one step forward.
After my breakdown a few weeks ago, I have re-learned to love me as is. I hired a coach who helped me remember why I do what I do. It was never to be “big”. It was to be impactful. I want every single person I touch to feel worthy and wonderful and beautiful and capable. I guess we teach that which we have to learn. 🙂
So, I've been LOVING my purposeful heart and feeling so gosh-darned blessed to live my life. I've reached out to friends just to say hi, started to connect in my community, and taken time to really savor my beautiful husband and our marriage. I may not ever be “big” but I feel wonderful! And feeling wonderful rather than desperate, I'm loving all over my clients and students more, I'm writing better, more authentic messages to you, and my creativity is juiced up.
Ever notice how when you feel “not enough” you get paralyzed, you don't connect with others and your work isn't as good? Exactly. So, by finally changing the old “less-than” story into “pretty-gosh-darned-good,” you will actually be better able to do what you want to do. You will increase your confidence, remember your capability, and most importantly, enhance your core happiness.
Let's start a pretty-gosh-darned-good revolution. Begin with yourself.
With so much love,
ps – If you want even more reminders to love yourself and live your purpose, join my Facebook community.