Your Spark of inspiration for the week: I get to choose.

You get to choose nearly every aspect of your life – who you are friends with, if you hold a grudge, how you react to your kids, where you work, and your happiness.

This may sounds crazy or simplistic, or impossible. I get it. Though I've known the research on this for a long time, I have continuously fought it.

I'm ashamed to admit this to you, but I've been holding a grudge… I've been resentful of my husband for moving to Philadelphia, and have had temper tantrum about it for a year. I've yelled at him, tried to make him feel guilty, and resisted any possibility of enjoying life here – as if by resisting I was hurting the city. I wasn't. I was only hurting myself and the man I love.

I was choosing unhappiness. Can you relate? What are you resisting? Where are you choosing unhappiness?

This smacked me in the face at the end of last year. I was still recuperating from my miscarriage, healing from losing my dog, dealing with two family crises, and feeling incredibly lonely. That's when I realized that my loneliness was of my own doing. Had I embraced the city and made friends, I may have had an easier time. I may have found comfort and a quicker path to happiness.

When you are unhappy in a situation, you have 3 choices:
1. Change the situation. (In my case, that would mean leave Philadelphia)
2. Change how you think about it. (See this as an opportunity to make new friends, build a community, and create a home.)
3. Choose to stay unhappy. (What I did for the last year.)

Research proves that at least 40% of happiness is in your control. How will you choose to live – fully in joy or making yourself miserable?

I know it may not be easy, and I'm doing it with you. Little by little this year, I've been choosing happiness here. We moved into a beautiful home that I love, I ordered my dream bed, and started decorating with pieces that make me happy. This weekend we pulled weeds, and began planning a garden. And this month, I began reaching out for friends. We joined a synagogue, I sent out an email looking for a book club, and I've been asking people for dinner or coffee dates. Then just yesterday while driving to the grocery store, a smile came to my lips and an overwhelming feeling of peace flooded my body. I realized: I am happy. Here. Now.

So how can you choose happiness now? How can you create joy now? The research is clear about this too – positivity brings more positivity (just like negativity brings more negativity). So, what matters is that you choose what makes you happy now.

Here's a video I taped for you WITH MY 4 MONTH OLD PUPPY about this:

It's all a choice and you get to choose. I'd love to see how you choose happiness! Reply on the blog or send me a note.

With so much love,
Carin

PS – If you have friends who are going through challenging times and would these tips, please share this link with them so they can sign up to receive them. I want to be able to help as many people as I can. Thanks for spreading the love.

PPS – We had to postpone the New Hope retreat until April 29 – May 1, so if you wanted to join but couldn't because of the date, you can still join us now. Click here to join us.

For every one of you who has felt not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not popular enough, not sexy enough…Or were told that you were TOO much…too loud, too demanding, too hairy, too naive, too sensitive.

Or like me, all of the above…

Allow this to sink in deep into every cell of your body: You. Are. Enough. You Are. Good. You. Are. Beautiful. As is. You don't need to be “better” or “do more” or “have more” or “lose weight” or “achieve” to be worthy and wonderful.

Yes, have dreams… Just don't base your worth on achieving them. Base your worth on the kindness of your heart, the spirit of your soul, and the light you shine from your Be-ing. Celebrate the moment as you walk your path forward.

Unfortunately, most of us – myself included – walk around feeling ashamed, less-than, judging ourselves and others, in a constant battle with our minds. We WANT to be happy. We WANT to be at peace. We now have to allow ourselves to have it.

The past few weeks have been a huge awakening for me. A couple of months ago, I found myself desperate to be part of a group of women who were doing “BIG” things in the world. They seemed to have “big” Facebook followings or published books or $500,000 annual income. I became obsessed with them, judging myself as “less than” and judging them as “snobby and materialistic” – when really all I wanted was to be OK. The comparison became so toxic that I began having anxiety attacks. My recovering-perfectionist brain said “If I were good, I'd be bigger.” “I suck.”

When I was a child, my parents told me I was perfect. They made sure to tell me I was smart, I was pretty, and I was lovable. They did a good job with my self-esteem until, in fourth grade, I switched schools, and for the first time felt less-than. The other girls wore Guess jeans and went to fancy dance schools with “Miss Barbara” or “Miss Annette.” I danced at the community center.

Since then, I've been comparing myself to others as better – or worse – than me. (Ugh.) After years of helping hundreds of women be happier, I can tell you 100% that the belief that you're not “____enough” is the only thing holding you back.

But I don't blame you for thinking this way. Or for the guilt you may feel because you think you shouldn't feel this way. It's not your fault. We were all told, “You can do anything!” “You can have it all!”… and then with a sly smile, someone added “as long as you're smarter, dumber, prettier, thinner, quieter, stronger, sexier, louder, more extroverted, more introverted, less demanding, or a guy.”

Be you… but different.

Like the good survival mechanisms they are, our brains took note! Now, our brains torture us with messages to be better and do more, with the hope that if they can just yell at us loudly enough, maybe we'll be loved.

Enough is enough. Your feelings are VALID. Your fears are NORMAL. Your shame is UNDERSTANDABLE. Love the younger you who created these patterns to survive. Then, give her a break. She's done her job. Now you get to choose a new way.

Love YOURSELF now. Even if the other soccer moms don't invite you. Even if your mom doesn't get you. Love YOURSELF now as is. Even if you want to lose 10 lb. Even if you wish you could speak up. Even if you are getting a chin wax later, or haven't yet achieved the great dream inside. Love your tender heart that is afraid, love your spirited soul that yearns for freedom, love your body that walks and talks and hugs your children.

Instead of “wanting to lose 10 lbs” – Love your body enough to feed it nourishing, healthy food. Instead of “hating yourself for not following your dreams” – Love your spirit so much that you allow it to take one step forward.

After my breakdown a few weeks ago, I have re-learned to love me as is. I hired a coach who helped me remember why I do what I do. It was never to be “big”. It was to be impactful. I want every single person I touch to feel worthy and wonderful and beautiful and capable. I guess we teach that which we have to learn. 🙂

So, I've been LOVING my purposeful heart and feeling so gosh-darned blessed to live my life. I've reached out to friends just to say hi, started to connect in my community, and taken time to really savor my beautiful husband and our marriage. I may not ever be “big” but I feel wonderful! And feeling wonderful rather than desperate, I'm loving all over my clients and students more, I'm writing better, more authentic messages to you, and my creativity is juiced up.

Ever notice how when you feel “not enough” you get paralyzed, you don't connect with others and your work isn't as good? Exactly. So, by finally changing the old “less-than” story into “pretty-gosh-darned-good,” you will actually be better able to do what you want to do. You will increase your confidence, remember your capability, and most importantly, enhance your core happiness.

Let's start a pretty-gosh-darned-good revolution. Begin with yourself.

With so much love,
Carin

ps – If you want even more reminders to love yourself and live your purpose, join my Facebook community.

Here we go…

Another Monday. After a weekend on the beach with girlfriends, I was afraid I'd dread today. Fortunately, because I love my work, I didn't dread it…I woke up excited!

Do you hate Mondays? Most people do. It's dreadful to go to work that doesn't inspire you, report to a boss who doesn't appreciate you, and then go home to a jam-packed schedule full of everyone else's needs, just in time to crash and do it all over again the next day. It's awful, and yet, most people do this.

I used to. I remember the dread so well, shuffling through the day, suffocating in silence, feeling completely stuck, and totally scared that life would always be this way. I remember crying in the shower years ago, “I guess this is it – I guess this is all there is to life.”

There is so much more. You weren't weren't born to dread life. You were born to LIVE FULLY with joy, passion, and fervor. That's what waking up was for me today – and it can be for you.

I know – it seems impossible. Or overwhelming. Or completely not doable, irresponsible, and selfish. But is it? Is it selfish to do work you love? To be excited for Mondays? To jump out of bed, feel enthusiasm for the new week, and curious about all that it has in store for you? It's the most selfless thing you can do. Imagine how you LOVING your work and LOVING LIFE would benefit your family, your lover, your co-workers. You'd be spreading joy and hope, and inspiring others to feel the same.

I spent last Monday doing a full-day Activation Session with a client who hates her work and yearns to do something meaningful. She's had an inspiring idea for a long time, but has been too afraid to pursue it. It's scary to think about giving up the known – even if it's making you miserable. So she and I worked out a plan to BOTH make her current work more enjoyable AND begin her inspiring project on the side. She is now so energized that her husband thinks she's a different person!!

You too can live your purpose and love Mondays again. I do, and now my client is on her way. I just shared how to live your purpose on the free Positivity Life Podcast. Click here to listen for empowering exercises and an inspiring story to move you forward.

Plus, here's a few tips to love Mondays:

1. Recognize that almost everything is a choice.You get to choose where you work, who you live with, and how you think about situations. If you dislike your work, recognize that you're choosing to stay there. It's empowering to stop playing the victim and take ownership of your choices. Say “I may not love it here, but I choose to stay because of (X) and I'm okay with that.” Or, if you can't bear it any longer, make a new choice. There are millions of ways to make money in this great universe. You can uncover your purpose and pursue work you love. You just have to choose.
2. Decide to be positive Wake up on Mondays with gratitude for a new week and new opportunities to shine. Begin the week with journal writing, meditation, or a quiet walk where you ask yourself, “What do I want this week?” Set an intention. Look at your calendar with gratitude. Look at your work with gratitude. Write it out. “Thank you, job, for financing our mortgage.” Or, “Thank you, job, for teaching me new skills.” Even have gratitude for the challenges, CHOOSING to see challenge as an opportunity to grow and learn. When you flip negativity to gratitude, you begin to see the situation differently.
3. Make your current job FUN Consider what you love doing and bring that to work
   Ask yourself how you can bring your strengths to your current job. Ask work friends to talk about a mutual passion. Consider the company mission and see how your personal purpose can align to it.
4. Schedule YOU Time.Look at your calendar every Monday and put in 5 – 10 minutes of YOU time every morning before the rest of the household gets up – or just when the kids leave for school. Sip your coffee, gaze at the trees, write in your journal, meditate, breathe. However you start your day is how the day goes. Same with Mondays – how you start the week is how it goes. Schedule a brisk walk break in the middle of your day to re-energize. Also schedule at least one hour just to YOU to read, take a bubble bath, learn a new hobby, or call friends. Just time for you to LOVE life.
5. Envision the future Whatever your life looks like now is not what it has to look like next year, or even next week. Remember, you get to choose. So choose to be in a different place next year. Commit to it. Search your soul for its calling. Take time to re-awaken your dreams. Allow yourself the possibility of asking, “How can I make that happen?” See yourself fulfilled. Check into small action steps forward. And if you're stuck or unsure, get a coach to help you figure it out like my client last week did! Humans are always evolving forward, so if you feel stuck, you are going against the grain of natural life.

Whatever you do, remember this: You don't have to hate Mondays. You can love your work, you can love your life.

Have a great Monday and a great week!
xoxo,
Carin

PS – If you want to chat about activating your purpose, email me, I'm happy to chat for 30 minutes to see if an Activation Session is for you.

Happy Leap Day,

You get an extra day this year… what will you do with it? It's an extra day to live fully, an extra day to laugh… an make your dream a reality. So to help you get the most of this day, I've compiled a list of 50 Happy Tips for you. Do one, three or ten today. Or do one a week for the year. Whatever you do, remember – it's your life. Research shows that about 40% of your happiness is in YOUR control. You choose what you do for work, who you are friends with, what your home looks like, whether you exercise, how you eat, and how you think. All of us can learn a growth mindset that leaps us forward toward our dreams. You were born for purpose. You were born to live the full expression of your strengths, talents and joy. You were given every experience of your life for wisdom. We need you living fully. We need you enjoying. We need you living on purpose.

With so much love,
Happy Leap Day,
Carin

1. Buy a journal you love and write a letter to yourself that begins “Dear ______(insert your own name), I love you and promise to live fully.”
2. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a long time.
3. Write a gratitude letter to someone who has made a difference in your life and you haven't told them in a long time.
4. Take a slow walk in nature.
5. Spend 5 minutes with someone you love looking into their eyes, reveling in their smile, and capture the moment in your mind forever.
6. Make a “to-do” list task that you hate (like laundry or dishes) into fun by playing your favorite song and dancing while you do it.
7. Watch an inspiring TED Talk like this one called “Before I Die” by Candy Chang.
8. Go to the playground, get on a swing, and play.
9. Look in the mirror, into the beautiful eyes of the person in front of you, and say, “I love you.”
10. On a piece of paper, write a list of 3 things that your brain says “I can't do…” and then on the right side, ask yourself “How can I do…?” and write the new answer.
11. Do something kind for a total stranger.
12. Move your body for 20 minutes – dance, run, do yoga, walk, kickbox. Move. It's good for your heart, your blood, and your brain.
13. Take a long, hot, bubbly bath or shower with spa music playing.
14. Cook a delicious meal from scratch, really savoring the colors of the food, the scents in the kitchen, and the sounds.
15. Apologize for something if you know you were in the wrong.
16. Begin to shed shame and become more openhearted by watching this TED Talk by Brene Brown.
17. Make a date with a friend that you've been wanting to connect with but haven't found time.
18. Give your brain food it loves like walnuts and fish.
19. Write about your childhood dreams and ask yourself what it tells you about yourself. If you wanted to be a fireman, maybe you wanted to protect or serve, if you wanted to be a ballerina, maybe you love to perform. Let yourself play with this.
20. Get wisdom from a child you love. They know what they're talking about.
21. Let yourself brag about something you're proud of, and choose someone to brag to who you KNOW will respond with joy, curiosity, and excitement. (If you want, email me and share with me – I'll brag all over you!)
22. Write a list of 10 things you love about yourself. If you don't have 10, ask friends for help.
23. Write yourself a letter that you will open on March 1, 2017, filled with how you hope to feel, what you want to do, who you hope to become, and what you want to have in your life 1 year from now.
24. Have an ice cream sundae and savor every yummy bite without guilt, but with pure pleasure.
25. Engage in a hobby that makes you lose track of time – painting, reading, ice skating – something that puts you into a state of flow and joy.
26. Learn why happiness matters through a TED Talk like this by Shawn Achor.
27. Make a list of your top values like courage, integrity, or family, and then look at your life and honestly assess if you're living true to them. If not, consider just ONE thing you can do that would be more in alignment.
28. Have an impromptu dance party in the kitchen.
29. Listen to an inspiring podcast like this new one from 2 of my students, Rick & Teresa Starr: Positivity Life.
30. Know your strengths. Take the Values in Action (VIA) Survey of Character Strengths here.
31. Book a retreat to relax and rejuvenate – whether to a resort, yoga, or with me in New Hope (yes, I'm plugging something that will make you happier) :).
32. Read my favorite book by Anna Quindlen “A Short Guide to a Happy Life”
33. Compliment someone.
34. Compliment yourself.
35. Ask yourself, “Who inspires me?” and ask them to talk so that you can learn more about how they got there and how you can, too.
36. Wear an outfit that makes you feel great.
37. Give yourself a break if you don't get everything done or you made a mistake. Be kind and compassionate with yourself as you would be to a child. You have permission to be human.
38. Make a vision board of your dreams. Allow yourself to dream without all the negative self-talk that says you can't do that. You can. You really, really can.
39. Make a list of 10 things/people you're grateful for.
40. Hug a tree. (Yes, I said a tree.)
41. Ask for help and be proud that you asked. Here's an inspiring TED Talk to get you to do so.
42. Break down a goal you have into the teeniest, tiniest step and do that step. For instance, if you want to write a book, the first step is to open the computer or pick up a pen. Do that and celebrate that you took the first step. Your brain loves celebration.
43. Get 8 hugs today. According to Dr. Love, Paul Zak, we need it.
44. Oh – give yourself a hug too.
45. Call a family member and say “I love you” and tell them why.
46. Get a coloring book and draw outside the lines.
47. Wear red lipstick or blue eye shadow or something you wish you would but haven't.
48. Watch a funny movie or video.
49. Take a nap and acknowledge the value of feeling well-rested.
50. Commit to your happiness. You deserve it.

Whatever you do, make this extra day count. Personally, I'm off to hold a 1 Day Activation Session with a client to help her bring her dream and true purpose to life. I can't wait! Please, let me know what you do by replying. I love to hear from you!

Carin

Do you feel like you're caught in the trap of busy-busy-busy? So do most people.

You're making yourself crazy with “busy-ness” – we all are, even though it's making us sick and exhausted, and we're often sprinting through life instead of enjoying it.

We have no time to breathe, and that's exactly why we need to. You need to slow down.

Two years ago, I spoke at a conference for women attorneys. As I joked about this, one woman raised her hand and said, “I was bathing my 6 year old last night while checking email on my phone,” she said as she looked down at her lap. “I could have played with her. I should have enjoyed her. Time is going to run out.” I placed my hand on her shoulder in compassion.

I know I've missed precious moments, as well. And I bet you have, too.

Slowing down is a MAJOR pathway to HAPPINESS. Yes, you want to achieve, yes, you want to be successful. And slowing down HELPS you achieve more. Research shows that people who meditate are far happier than those who don't because meditation strengthens your pre-frontal cortex and therefore helps you more easily navigate derailing thoughts, and be more open-minded, creative, trusting, and connected. Put simply, slow down to speed up.

However, we have all been taught from the moment we went to grade school to DO, DO, DO. We're so busy DO-ing that we hardly know WHAT we are doing anymore – or more importantly, WHY.

• Why do you do your job? YOUR particular job? Not just to make money – but what is your purpose there?
• Why did you have kids? What would you like to experience and enjoy with them? How can you savor the moment more?

We also forget who we're BE-ing in all of the doing. And BE-ing is the most powerful thing you can “do.” Just after sending you an email on Sunday about the chaos of life, I got into my car and immediately noticed this sign just a block from my house.

I don't remember it being there yesterday or last week, but I'm sure they didn't just put it up because I sent you an email about slowing down. Rather, I have just always moved too fast past this very spot to notice. I'm always on my way to an appointment, to the grocery store, or running past it with my eyes on the ground grunting during my workout.

But Sunday, I slowed down. I pulled the car over. I walked to the bridge just beyond. I noticed the beautiful bridge in all of its glory. This is what I sometimes miss.

So I've been reminding myself to slow down and it's been wonderful.

When you slow down, what will you notice? What will you get to enjoy?

With so much love,
Carin

PS – I taped a video about the pull between “being” and “doing” a couple of years ago. You'll love it if you haven't seen it.