I was speaking with a client this morning about her dream of being self-employed when she paused, teared up, and then quietly said, “What if I can't do it?”

My heart sank. I know that feeling too well. And I know how damaging this question is to your psyche, and your ability to take action.

See, questions are answered in the direction in which they are asked. If you ask, “What if I can't do it?”, your brain will promptly reply with a dissertation of negative beliefs: “You'll fail. People will think you suck. You'll be a failure. You'll lose your mortgage. Don't do it. You're happy enough as is.”

However, if you ask, “What if I CAN do it?”, your brain shifts entirely. “Oh my G-d! Yes I can! I'll feel so good. I'll be so happy. That will be wonderful! I'm going to look up articles on how to achieve this!”

We do whatever our brain says because we've come to take our brain chatter as fact. However, beliefs are simply thoughts that you've thought a lot. For example, my belief is that the dress I'm wearing is called a “dress,” but is that true? In France, this is a “robe,” even though to me, a “robe” is what I put on after my shower. So which belief is correct?

When we were babies, we didn't have a belief about what a “dress” is called, and you didn't have a belief that you couldn't start your own business, or attract your ideal mate, or whatever it is that you want. You only have those beliefs now because of how often you've thought them.

The worst part is that for most of us, our brains go negative first. It's called “Negativity Bias” and it's a real thing. Your brain evolved for safety so it's looking for the threat. To top it off, most of us were raised by parents who had negativity bias too and we're surrounded by other people with negativity bias, so we have more fear-based negative beliefs than optimistic ones. Just recently, I was having lunch with a former TV anchor. When I heard what she used to do, I squealed with excitement. “Can I take you to lunch?” I asked. “I'd like to share positive psychology on air,” to which she replied, “Good luck with that! You're competing against thousands of young people who will work for nothing.” OUCH. For a moment, my brain started to believe her. Then I took a deep breath and asked myself, “What if I could do it?” To which I smiled, and said, “OF COURSE I CAN! I am on Sirius, I've been on HuffPo TV, I can do this too!”

So, what to do with your negative, fear-based beliefs? Create new ones! Choose a new, positive, optimistic thought and think it over and over again until it is fact. Your brain is malleable. No matter your age or stage of life, you can create new neural pathways that lead you to the positive beliefs and action that you want.

So, your spark for this week: What if you COULD achieve your dream?

Take your power back. Choose a new positive thought about your dream and think it repeatedly. Write it on your bathroom mirror. Use it as a screensaver. Think this thought so many times that it becomes belief.
With fierce passionate can-do love,
Carin

PS – Want more positivity? For more frequent positivity, purpose and empowerment tools, like my Facebook page and join in the conversation! I love hearing from you and talking with you!!!

PPS – Spots for Goddess Girls Weekend South Beach are filling up quickly! So far, 17 amazing women are joining me and Taylor Strecker for this incredible experience August 5 – 7. (Click here for info and to join us!)

Happy Tuesday!

Thank goodness for this long weekend because last week, I crashed. If you read my newsletter last week, I did 4 speaking engagements in 3 days in 3 cities last week. (You can read about it here). It was wonderful! And, by 6 pm last Wednesday, I was just too exhausted to move.

Ever felt this way? Like you pushed and gave so much that you became a dried up shrived shell of your former self?

In the past, I would have “toughened up,” “pushed through,” and “forced myself” to keep going. My mom was Superwoman – so I used to push myself to be so, too. I would guilt or shame myself as incompetent or “less than,” and then I would end up resentful of everyone who needed me. (Sorry, Josh.) Maybe you can relate to that, too.

But this weekend, I did me differently. I booked a hotel room, grabbed a good friend, and went on a mini-retreat near our house. It was WONDERFUL!!! We strolled through Longwood Gardens, taking in acres of exotic flowers, sitting by a still pond, and feeling the grass under our feet. Then we went to a winery (in Pennsylvania!) that just happened to have Goddess named wine like “The Huntress.” We took a jacuzzi in our hotel, went for a fabulous dinner, and got coffee and mushrooms in the self-proclaimed mushroom capital of the world (Kennett Square, PA, if you're wondering).

It was seriously DIVINE! And not just the mushrooms, though those were wonderful too. Getting away from our families, our work, our responsibilities at home allowed us to just BE. To just relax, unwind, and play. We got to be “Carin” and “Stacey” instead of mom/stepmom/wife/coach/healer/worker/laundry-doer.

Just 20 hours away restored my energy completely. It felt like a week, it was so rejuvenating. And, we got AMAZING business ideas while away. Stacey came up with an idea for a mom retreat and we had an idea for a divine feminine training.

That's the thing about our brains. Studies show that we do our best “thinking” when we're not thinking. That's why you make better decisions once you've “slept on it.” We need to give our brains a rest and let our hearts lead for a change. Your heart knows JOY. Your heart knows MEANING. Your heart knows what you need. And the more you give yourselves time to be, the more inspired action you will take… the more you'll get on your purpose path. Plus, you take much better care of others once you've filled up your own soul first.

So, your SPARK for this week is to give yourself a BREAK. It can be an hour – but you must take some time for just you. And better yet, if you're in a playful mood grab a friend and head somewhere fun for a weekend. You'll thank me afterwards.

With so much love,
Carin

PS: And, post on my blog where you went for your getaway. I can't wait to hear how you rejuvenate!

Greetings love!

I'm just back home after a week of doing 4 speaking gigs in 3 cities, and spending time with my sister, and I am riding high!

This is what happens when you do what you love! You feel energized. Your blood dances in your skin. You can't wait to do more. You feel free and fabulous and like you're floating on top of the world!

That's what I want for you. Your SPARK for this week: Do what you love.

I know – I'm making it sound easier than it is. I get it. You have responsibilities….a mortgage to pay, and mouths to feed. You can't just take off on a one-way flight to Dreamland.

Or can you? What if you could do what you love and make as much or more than you make now? What if you could show your kids that creating a unique life and following dreams is possible?

And I get it. You're afraid. You think you can't be successful at what you love. Or that dreams are for other people.

Are they? Why not you? What if you become a huge success at what you love? What if you are sitting WITH Oprah on stage instead of thinking the stage isn't for you? (Ok, that's my dream ;))

And I know – you don't know what you love. I get that too. And I believe that you do know. Your brain has just covered it up with all these fears and other people's expectations. Like my client Amanda* who had always wanted to be a nurse, but was told by her loving and practical parents that she should go into IT. So she did and 15 years later, she's still miserable. She came to me “not knowing” what she loved, but we discovered the dream buried below. Or my client, Melissa* who also didn't know what she would love, so, layer by layer, we uncovered her joy, what lights her up and would give her meaningful fulfillment. They are both now on their paths.

If them, why not you?

Every day, there are millions of people doing what they love and therefore, loving life. And there are millions of more people stuck in their own fear, telling themselves why they “can't” instead of asking themselves, “How can I?” Which one do you want to be – doing what you love or staying stuck in fear?

I held myself back for 8 years because I was too afraid to be a big, fat, failure who ended up jobless, homeless, and dateless. I thought no one would want to read what I wanted to write. No one would want to hear what I had to say. And here you are, reading. If I had known then what I know now – that I would speak at companies like Progressive, I'd be on national radio, be planning a retreat to Miami, and inspiring women at Jewish Federation, an organization I adore – all while making more money than I did in my old job, I would have taken this leap a decade earlier.

I could have had a decade more of Joy. And frankly, I've learned that when you follow your JOY, the Universe gives you more joy. Positivity begets positivity, so more opportunities come.

It hasn't always been an easy path. Taking a leap toward purpose, creating a business, and making it sustainable, took effort. And, it's been worth every moment.

So this week, commit to doing what you love. At least take one first step. Write down your commitment and begin thinking “How can I?”

With so much love,
Carin

When your child makes a mistake, what do you do? Do you beat up his little 6 year-old body and shame him? Of course not. You give him a hug and encourage him to try again. When your niece shows up at holiday dinner, do you point out her 8 year-old bushy eyebrows and baby-fat belly? Of course not! You say, “You look so beautiful!!!”

So what would it look like to love yourself the way you love a child?

Last week, I shared that on Wednesday, May 18, I'm hosting a “Love Your Body” webinar with SiriusXM radio host Taylor Strecker. (Click here for info). Since then, I've become OBSESSED with how poorly we treat our bodies. I keep reading articles about how much we beat ourselves up for having cellulite, hips, wrinkles, chin hairs, and bellies, which we all have!
And this craziness begins early! According to research confirmed by the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), 80% of all 10 year-old girls have been on a diet. TEN! Plus, 78% of 17-year old girls, and an increasing number of boys, have issues with how their bodies look. A woman on my Fab, Fierce Facebook Group posted that her 6 year old is saying that her belly is big. SIX!!!

It's time to own our power around our bodies! While magazines and social media influence our children, research shows that WE are the biggest influence. Just watch this Dove video to see how this works. You'll see that whichever body part a mom hates, so too does her daughter.  We must show children a new way and I will show you how. Join me and Tay for this powerful opportunity to learn how to teach kids about HEALTH instead of diets! {Click here for info and to register.}

Bathing suit season is around the corner, so we must own our power now. You want to feel HEALTHY. You want to feel good. Do you know that beating yourself up works against you when trying to lose weight? Self-hatred leaves chemicals in your body that create fat cells for storage. Self-love motivates you to health.

During the webinar, I will teach you about this and show you how to love your body for bathing suit season instead. You will walk away knowing how to reframe your negative mind chatter, how to improve your health, and with tools to transform how you treat your body. Join me and Tay on May 18th. We're getting real, and sharing our shame, and teaching you easy-to-use tools to feel better about yourself NOW. {Click here for info and to register.}

This webinar is for you if:

• You beat yourself up about your body, looks, or actions
• You dislike some aspect of your body and you want to love it instead
• You are tired of dieting and not feeling healthy
• You want to set the example of self-love for children
• You want to learn how to look in the mirror and say “I LOVE YOU” to the person you see!

Join us. You deserve to love yourself now. You can step into your power, take control and make change now. {Click here for info and to register.}
I am so passionate about this that beginning tomorrow, May 13, I am starting a 21 day campaign for body love. Every day for 21 Days I will be releasing a prompt on Facebook, Instagram ,and Twitter to love yourself using the #21daysbodylove. If you want to join, follow me on one (or all) of these channels and post tagging me with @carinrockind and #21daysbodylove.

And, make sure you join us on May 18. I'll be sharing specific tools there that you can't get elsewhere. Together, we'll have body love. By the way, if you can't make it live, register anyway to get the workbook and recording. Join us! {click here for info and to register.}

I can't wait to see you on May 18 to support you to LOVE you!

With so much love,
xoxo
Carin

PS – If you've been wanting to see me speak live and you're in/near Chicago, great news! I am speaking at the JUF Young Women's event next Thursday, May 19. All are welcome. For information and to register, click here.

My SPARK for you this week: Believe.

• Believe in yourself even if no one else does.
• Believe in your dreams even if they seem impossible.
• Believe in your heart even if what it says is impractical.
• Believe in miracles even though you can't see them with your eyes.
• Believe in messages when you know they are true.
• Believe in you because you are capable beyond measure.

Yesterday reminded me to believe. I woke up a little sad. It would have been my first Mother's Day had I not had the miscarriage last June (you can read more about that here). Josh gave me a beautiful card about the wonderful mommy I'm going to be when the time is right. And he praised how much “motherly love” I already give to so many women. Deep in my heart, I began to believe again.

Soon thereafter I went outside to water our hanging plants, and look what I found!

Then a little while later, look who came to sit for awhile!

After hours of sitting, look at what she left!

I don't know if this is a sign or a message or fluke coincidence… and it doesn't matter. What I witnessed yesterday was the miracle of birth. What I saw was the love of a mother who fiercely protected her nest. What I am left with is hope. I'm left believing again.

You may think I sound silly or naive or woo-woo. This isn't just energetic manifesting magic… though I do believe in that too. Rather, research says that the more you believe something is possible, the more likely it is to materialize. When you believe, you look for solutions to obstacles. When you believe, you get creative about how to get results.

Or maybe you are superstitious and think you should never discuss your dreams. I get it. I was raised in a super-superstitious family too! Yet, I find over and over again that when I believe and I trust the inner knowing of my heart (instead of the fear of my mind), it always works out. When you believe, you ask “how can I?” instead of saying “I can't.”

You MUST believe in your dreams. Just a few weeks ago, I got a postcard from a client announcing his new law firm. He had wanted to go on his own, he believed it, he put sticky notes all over his house about it, and together we set a 1 year timeline. One year later, I got that post card. It's all possible.

You can have every dream of your heart. BELIEVING you can is the MOST IMPORTANT ingredient to EVERY desire coming to fruition!

So my love, this week, believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. Believe in your heart. Believe in miracles. Believe in your inner knowing. Believe in you.
And finally, to all of you mamas out there, and all of you who “mother” the world in some way, Happy Mother's Day to you. I celebrate and honor you.

With so much love,
Carin

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PS – Quick reminder… LIVE ONLINE EVENT MAY 18! If you've been feeling badly about your body, and you've wanted to change how you feel about your body, I am excited to announce a new webinar for you on May 18. I'm joining forces with Taylor Strecker of SiriusXM Wake Up! With Taylor for a fun, live, transformative “girls night in” webinar: Love Your Body. We both have struggled and I've learned amazing tools that I use every day to love me. I want to teach them to you. If you want to feel good about your body, Join us! {click here for info and to register}. XO

PPS – LIVE EVENT CHICAGO MAY 19! If you're in the Chicagoland area and you've been wanting to see me speak live, I am thrilled to tell you that I am speaking at the JUF Young Women's event. All are welcome. For information and to register, click here.